So my alarm went off at 6 but I really wasn't ready. In fact, I didn't get out of bed till like 7:30, showered and it still took like another 2 hours to get downstairs. And I couldn't work. No focus and I just felt terrible. The overwhelming sadness (over nothing) was back. So I mostly laid on the couch and repeated to myself that everything was going to be okay, that I was going to be okay. I finally got started with work (and my meeting was delayed for 30 minutes as well). Did the meeting, got a better idea of what I needed to do.
Decided that I should go out and clear my head. Biked down to the boardwalk. That was a great idea actually. I saw a (dead :( , it was in the middle of the bike path and not moving so I went to push it off to the side and it didn't respond) garter snake, nearly hit a chipmunk (it ran back at the last second as I was madly braking), saw a goldfinch, a green heron and a bunch of other things. So that was nice.
Then I went up to my office to work. Well it took a really long time to actually get work done (I didn't leave the office till after 9, despite getting there before 2), but I did eventually send out an update email I needed to and graded papers (still like 2 assignments behind, but so is everyone else). I'll get up in the morning and catch up on grading, shouldn't be too bad. Generally I get a couple days respite between bad days.
And that is how it is. The last few days I felt okay. Today I felt bad in the morning. Just inexplicably bad. I worked through it and that will hold it for a while. Then it will come back until one day it doesn't and I'll have a few weeks off before I get hit real hard again and the cycle repeats. I really don't get my depression, which is why I have so much trouble seeking help.
No comments:
Post a Comment