Ahh I'm so late

Between a terrible sleep schedule (basically all my fault), internet problems and other such things, I've been not keeping a diary well. So here's just the important things in no particular order.

DnD was like 90% improv and now the Empire and the Merchants' Guild hate our adventurers. 

We had an office potluck on Friday which I was sort of in charge of and in the end it went well (even if there were way more people than expected). I made misir wat for it, which turned out amazingly. As part of that, I made my own niter kibbeh and berbere, got a spice grinder (since I have so many whole spices now). I also made timatim for the ward potluck, which I called "Ethiopian Salsa" because that's how I roll.

It's cooled down a lot, which is nice. I've still been doing some running and also some very fast biking to work on cardio/endurance. In fact, I did a ride the other day to a game night where I average like 4:10 per mile (and that's with stops). Maps said plan for 45 minutes and I did it in like 33. Legs have been assigned for Ragnar and I'll be doing the last shift (which is like the 3rd longest/hardest). 17.5 miles. Then I'm gonna go camping with the other grad students on the trip up in the UP. Get home Tuesday and then basically go right into prepping for my trip, since I leave that Thursday. 

Speaking of my trip, I've gotten my flights mostly figured out and a couple different hostels booked. I still need to contact the place in Tentena for more information about transport (and booking a guide for Lore Lindu), figure out Tanah Toraja (but finding a hostel should be pretty easy) and basically figure out all my bus/housing issues in Flores. Also find a place for my suitcase in Jakarta. I'm still mostly winging this trip, which should be exciting and also very stressful (in a good way). Finally, Walgreens has been really slow at filling my vaccine order but when I called today the robot said it should be ready by tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, I need to get up early to do laundry, finish up dishes and do some work before going to lunch and then coming back to finish planning our session (it's exploration but I also want to use it to forward one of my plot threads). So a busy day, especially since I'm behind on work and need to get a presentation ready by next Monday (though the full presentation isn't needed for another two weeks).

Finally, the other big events of the past week. On Friday, an investigator (this one) texted me asking if I'd say the closing prayer at his baptism. After the baptism he sent out a very nice text to everyone who participated saying that he invited us to be part of the ceremony because we were all important in his faith journey. Then I woke up the next day to a text from the missionaries saying that he wanted me to confirm him. Which was a huge honor (and I even ironed a shirt and wore a suit coat for it) but very scary. Unlike basically every other blessing, this one is public and that makes me very self conscious. But I did it and while it was a bit of a struggle at first, by the end words that felt right were flowing out. So I hope he appreciated it. Anyway, that was the last Sunday that Bishop is bishop (next week is stake conference and the week after that he's being released) and since I will be gone until the end of October (due to camping after the race) I really need to reach out and thank him for being a great bishop. 

Two final things. After the baptism I was talking with people and the concert we were all planning to go to was cancelled. Which somehow turned into a discussion of karaoke and me hosting karaoke night...that night. Which I did. I had a two computer set up (one connected to the tv and one for adding songs to the playlist) and it was a lot of fun. I even got to hook up my computer to my new speakers (after a bit of struggle). And today, while heading home, I saw a kingfisher. First it was flying and then it went into a tree and then it took off as I was trying to get a picture. I love kingfishers, too bad they are so hard to photograph. 

Last notes. Like I said, I've been sleeping pretty poorly. Well the sleep is fine, I've just been going to bed way too late and either getting up early or oversleeping. So not a great schedule. I do wonder if I'm (mildly) hypomanic right now or have been recently. That feeling of wanting to be productive and not sleep (though I feel tired in a way that I didn't get at say the camp out). Being really antsy/agitated. But not really euphoria or even irritation/anger (I think?). Nor am I anxious (maybe because I have nothing to be anxious about...ever since getting an answer to the question I've been avoiding thinking about those sorts of social situations). So who knows.

Dog Days 36, 37, 38 and 39

It's been cool but it's about to get hot again. Also summer is quickly shifting to fall (astronomically speaking). I've been busy but also lazy, mostly lazy.

Anyway, can't remember what I did Monday. Went to work, certainly. Oh, actually got an email asking if the tables were ready (they were not). Did some review for my advisor. That's about it in the morning. In the evening went with my sister to pull out FHE, which ended up being playing Smash Bros with the kids (who'd just gotten it for their birthday). Went out home and yeah, that seems about it.

Tuesday, I only went to work to meet with my advisor before he went back to Japan. So that went fine (I finally told him about my trip and he's going to help set up a meeting with potential collaborators and also we'll meet up in Tokyo). Oh I think Tuesday was the day I learned that my workstay would probably fall through (the profile was locked for some reason) and so I decided to go crazy with my newfound week. While not getting to see Lake Matano will be disappointing, I found that the Pelni ship from Makassar to Larantuka will be leaving on just the right day, so I have a chance to do a interisland boat trip like I've been wanting to do for years (this one is only 29 hours) and then visit Flores like I've also wanted to do for a long time. I'll take buses across the island, planning about 5 days for that. The highlight will be Kelimutu (since I won't have time to do Komodo justice and Labuan Bajo/Komodo is relatively easy to get to compared to the other cities I'm planning on visiting) but also just wandering all sorts of different towns and cultures (I need to find my hiking Flores book, not that I'll be doing many hikes). Anyway, it's time to get my tickets to Palu, the boat ticket to Larantuka and then contact the hotel in Tentena to figure out transportation and a guide to Lore Lindu/Bada Valley. So figuring out all of that was exciting.

After meeting my advisor, I went shopping to get food for Thursday. Then I went home and started prepping for DnD. I was homebrewing some enemies, which is new for me. Anyway, I was planning for 5 people (since that's who soft RSVP'd). We ended up having 8; two who didn't RSVP but I though might come and one who was a (welcome, to be clear) surprise. So I just doubled the enemies and cancelled the second/third fights. Was very chaotic, I knocked out a couple of the PCs and kept forgetting I had multiattacks and readied actions. Also forgot which enemies I was going to have target who, though that's more in character (they were all of average intelligence, despite being gnomish pirates). Anyway, it was fun (especially making an extensive backstory for a throwaway NPC because people kept asking questions) but a lot and I need to start enforcing the sign-up sheet. Oh and I broke yet another charger (this time it was my fault), so I had to rush to the library to borrow one. After a bit of debate, I decided I will get at least one more charger, so I can finish some Šyþed Pyklez songs and back up this computer in a windows readable way. Eventually I'll get a new Mac too.

Wednesday was very nice, chilly even. Got up at 7 for an 8 o'clock run, our final pace was like 9:40 despite taking it very easy. Hung out, showered, went to lunch and then went to donate blood (wasn't planning on it, but the rewards were good). Couldn't donate since my hemoglobin was still too low despite taking a 6 month break by this point. Might want to get that checked out. Anyway, that's my last chance till like February since I'll be on the travel deferment list after this trip. Played Catan (lost badly, the rolls just weren't in my favor despite good positions), waited around for institute. Looked at entry level record players just for fun. Learned that Labor Day sales were already in progress and decided to get a well reviewed player that came with speakers (that don't have to be used with the player) and vinyl recording capabilities (I also got the backpack I was wanting for 60 bucks cheaper than planned, I guess procrastination helped for once. And a bunch of other swag). I've been spending a lot of money, but like my investments are doing well enough, I'm making more than enough money to survive (even with all these extra expenses I'm still saving a bit every month) and why not treat myself? Half these purchases are long term investments anyway (backpack, travel towel, hiking sandals etc). 

Thursday I went into the office because I was supposed to make an appearance for new student orientation lunch. I also got an email from Exploding in Sound Records about bandcamp friday and how they're doing a 1-day only sale tomorrow on 6 different albums (6 bucks each). That's a great deal, I like the label and shipping is lower with a lot of albums, so I plan on getting 5 of them tomorrow (I already own the last one)...there's also a couple more albums I might as well buy tomorrow while it is bandcamp friday. After lunch I hung out a bit and then got the new department t-shirt (and sticker). Gotta wear that tomorrow. Went home and made bipimbap for the missionaries. I did manage to get that sweet taste on the meat and cooking the carrots and mushrooms in the meat sauce/fat was an excellent idea (I'm most happy about how the mushrooms turned out, they were delicious). Anyway, fed them (and my sister and both my roommates) and then my sister and I talked awhile about life and logistics (car insurance...should probably be in my name because I get better quotes being over 25, health insurance, money (she actually gets paid like $3 an hour more than me, though she also has to work more) etc). Then got around to doing this (and some dishes). 

Other things of note. I saw a green heron today. Wednesday was the Blue Supermoon and I got some cool pictures. It was very bright, which was good because my lights need new batteries. I've been getting a ton of page views on this blog all the sudden, due to webcrawlers finally finding it I think. Really crazy, I had like 4k views the other day, all from "other" referral urls, on linux computers in the United States. And yet I still can't find my blog on google. Tomorrow I'm checking out the record shop (just want info about when they're doing the listening party for Mitski's new album; probably not buying anything there since the two albums I want from them should be around for a while) and also the outdoor supply store right next to it for more swag (they sent an email the other day about labor day sales) and like an water resistant sack. Was gonna get my bag there but obviously that's not happening due to other great deals. Oh and I'm planning a fast 5k (well 3.2 miles really) in the morning. My hope is to run it 25 minutes, we'll see if I can actually do that, I barely made it in 27 minutes last time I did it. If so, that's a sub 8 pace and 8 is my 5k goal. I think that's everything?

Dog Days 33 and 34

Well Friday was hot, today less so. Dog days are ending?

Anyway Friday I got up and fixed my flat tire. I then eventually ambled my way over to my office and hung out there a bit. Eventually I went over to my sisters apartment and prepared for the move. 'Twas nice to see her and my grandfather. Luckily she didn't have too much stuff and a friend from church came over to help carry the dressers up the stairs. Anyway after doing that, we got dinner at a Thai place and then got various stuff at Target. Hung out at her apartment a bit and then went home with my grandfather. Pulled up a mattress from the basement (actually wasn't too bad soloing it), talked a bit and went to bed. 

Saturday I got up and eventually we went over to my sister's place for more moving stuff. First we went to get bagels and not only were the bagels good but so were the lox sandwiches. Gotta keep that in mind. Then we returned the trailer, dropped my grandfather off at the airport and went to the bike shop to get a new inner tube and seat for my sister's bike. After that we went over to the zoo for a ward activity. It was a scavenger hunt and my randomly assigned group won (of course, because we ran around and were very competitive). Hung out longer and then went back to her house. After that, I went home. Was going to do pathfinder but it got cancelled last minute so I noodled around on the electric guitar instead. Oh yeah, my sister brought the spare electric guitar from Utah here. I actually got okay at "Miserlou" (used that to practice double picking) and "Pinkie Swear" (by far the best song on 52 Weeks). I also tried out "Never Meant" and can sort of do the main riff. My big problems over all is that I know no chords and tend to create harmonics. Then I went to my computer and got some cheap albums (basically all in the 0-2 dollar range, except one 8 buck electro jazz album because I need some variety in my life). I really want Prawn's Kingfisher as a vinyl because the art and the limited edition vinyls are so cool but they're out of print and seemingly expensive, so we'll see. Also I need to set up a shelf over the tv to actually display some of my vinyls.

Still feeling fine I think. Maybe a bit sleepy but that's my own fault. Is it the meds or the lack of stress (not that the lack of stress helped with the June episode. It's so easy to forget what feeling bad really feels like).

RS Greatest Emo Albums: 34-31

First album (#34) is Owls by Owls. So basically another Cap'n Jazz album. I really like Cap'n Jazz so I'm excited for this one (Algernon Calladweller is also in this post so a lot of Cap'n Jazz). So the first song ("What Whorse You Wrote Id On") could maybe be a bit more energetic but on the other hand I like the chill, almost islandy feel at the beginning. Really liking the start of "I Want the Quiet Moments of a Party Girl." The guitar is doing cool things (almost reminds me of Big Black or Shellac but less abrasive), there's a nice driving bass. Let's drive to Alaska indeed. Favorite song of the album so far, it's driving in a way that almost reminds me of something like Neu!'s "Hero" (but only sort of) and I like songs like that. Plus the weird ending. "Everyone Is My Friend" is even better. Tim Kinsella is finally putting some energy in his singing and the instrumentation is fun. Despite the big mood in the title "I Want the Blindingly Cute to Confide In Me" didn't really grab me at first. But it does start building up, which is cool. Are those bongos? The switch between the first and second halves of "Holy Fucking Ghost" was weird at first but I think it works well. Really liking the weird, offbeat (?) claps and the back vocals. "Later" (which is cheating because it's a Japan only bonus track) is pretty fun, all the parts of it except maybe the vocals (not that the vocals are bad, they're just the weakest part of this song). 

Overall, this album is pretty good but I miss the energy of Cap'n Jazz. And I get it. Cap' Jazz encapsulates that late teens spirit and now the members are young adults and so they are different. Still miss it though. The album feels a bit incoherent at times, like the different instruments aren't really communicating with each other but like not in a fun anarchic way. Vocals could be a bit more yelly or at least not so lethargic. Not my favorite Kinsella project, that's for sure. But like I said, still good and is probably the sort of thing that would grow on me with repeat listens.   

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The next album is The Medicine by The Jazz June, the video of which I was going to use apparently disappeared between when I loaded it up a couple days ago now. But I found a backup playlist. So let's go! The Jazz June is a band I had never heard of before starting this list, so that's going to be interesting.

The first song is "Viva La Speed Metal". It's interesting enough, there's some cool rhythms and changes going on."The Scars to Prove it" is such an emo title. I like the musical shifts in different parts of the song (as people following this series certainly know). I like how "Except" starts. And its riffs, especially near the end. "The Phone Works Both Ways" has a really fun bass line and the guitar starts doing some crazy stuff in the last third or so. The title track builds up well and I quite like the chorus (?) both lyrically and musically. "So I fucked up but I'm getting on with my life/it feels like there's a point to everything" so true homie, so true. The shift after that (well the first iteration of the chorus) to a different style is weird but I really like it. It builds up so well and the guitars just sound cool.

"At the Artist's Leisure, Pt. 2" also has a really good building start and just gets better when the bass comes in. The high pitched guitars in the middle are cool. The beginning is definitely the best part of this song. "Motorhead's Roadie" has a bass solo, or at least a cool bass. Nice and driving. The bridge (? the quite part in the middle) does the loud to quiet to loud nicely. This song does go on too long though, it just doesn't build up right to justify the length. There's a lot going on musically in "Get on the Bus" but I'm not sure it works. And now for a 10 minute song. Will it build right? "Balance" starts good. The riffs work together, are driving and it seems to be getting larger quite nicely. It gets a little lamer about of a third of the way in but quickly catches itself. The reverby and echoy vocals actually work well and I like the random piano and squealy guitars (synths?) in the middle. What is this bizarre sample? I'd say overall this is pretty good for a long song. Gets a bit self indulgent at parts but it stays mostly coherent (at least the first 8 minutes at least, the last two minutes feel more disconnected with the rest of the song though it's a fun crescendo in its own right) and there's some really cool sounds going over the driving bass which keeps everything together.   

Verdict: This album is fine but not my favorite. It has a problem with too much happening in any given song, and not in a fun way like The Brave Little Abacus. This distracts from both the songs themselves and their build-up crescendo that a lot of emo songs like these ones try to do. And I have no idea what's going on the lyrics, but again they aren't delivered in a way that makes that not matter like say Cap'n Jazz (or The Brave Little Abacus, but those lyrics are amazing. Then again, so are some of Cap'n Jazz's). It's not bad by any means and it certainly is emo, so credit due where credit is due. My favorite songs are probably "The Medicine" and "Balance". 

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Third album (#32) is Some Kind of Cadwallader by Algernon Cadwallader. Weirdly enough, I actually haven't listened to them (partially because of this but mostly because they just haven't shown up in my playlists for some reason...so this must not be true because I've apparently listened to all of Parrot Flies but I have no idea when and a youtube history search reveals nothing) so I'm fairly excited. Just gotta say that I love the album cover (and all their album covers really, though their self titled album/compilation is clearly a rip off of Fishing for Birds concept art). I kinda want to buy their vinyl just for that, but first I want to see if I like the album.

I like the way this one starts. Good twinkly guitars and screams/yells. No idea what he's saying though (looking at the lyrics, they're really aping the Cap'n Jazz nonesense). Great build up into a scream and then the end of the song. So yeah, "Casual Discussion in a Dome between Two Temples" is a banger. Great bass in the title track. The vocals in "The Stars" are really channeling Cap'n Jazz. Another good bass in "Horror" while the guitar goes off and does whatever it does. Also great opening line, being about a toilet and all. Wait is that a harmonica? Interesting. And it builds really well with the "ooohs" and everything,  before coming back down nicely. "Motivational Song" definitely hits its stride when it's just actual nonsense before the real quiet bridge (?), not that point isn't nice too. Love the feedback at the end.

...I just got the pun of "Yo Soy Milk". It's not just saying I am milk in bad Spanish, it's also soy milk. Anyway fun song but not much to say. Once again, a good bass. "On Up" is an exercise in stretching out words. Love the congas (?) and after the first line or two the instrumentation in general gets better...and weirder post slide whistle (?). "Katie's Conscience" feels a lot like Cap'n Jazz in its energy and just in general (hilariously, I read a Pitchfork review after listening to this album which pointed to this exact song as acing the Cap'n Jazz exam and getting extra credit). Great screams near the end. Awesome driving bass in "Serial Killer Status" even if it is simple. And now is time for a 13 minute closer in "In Response to Irresponsibility". It starts out good but lets see if it can justify itself. Three minutes in (just before the vocals) and the build up receded but there's like maracas and shakers so all is good. Plus the way the guitars come back in is great. I like the feedback that starts like halfway through the song. Okay like 8-9 minutes in gets really weird in a good way, with what sounds like tape loops or some other sort of manipulation. There's still a lot of song left so I wonder where it goes from here. Doesn't quite build back up but there's some good noise. Song still probably overstays its welcome.

Anyway this is probably my favorite album of this review (so far?). I saw the one comment on youtube that was like "Cap'n Jazz vocals with American Football guitars" and that's fairly accurate. The whole album has an energy level that I like. Is Cap'n Jazz better? Well none of the songs are as good as "Little League" and there's nothing quite like that amazing three song opener of Shmap'n Shmazz but Algernon Cadwallader is definitely more competent and the instrumentation is probably a bit better. So yeah I like Cap'n Jazz more, but this is a better Cap'n Jazz clone than Owls, which is literally just Cap'n Jazz.

Imma buy that vinyl now.

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The last album for this post is Kill Them with Kindness by the Jealous Sound. What an emo name. I don't think I'd ever heard of them before starting this activity.

First song sounds fine. Definitely more on the poppy side, but not in a bad way. Reminds me a lot of Jimmy Eat World, but a bit slower and with more phaser (?). All these songs have very pop-punky guitars (lots of power chords or whatever). Again fine, it's just quite different from all the midwest emo I've been listening to.  Liking the intro synth on "The Fold Out". I'm vibing with "Does That Make Sense" for some reason. Liking "Abandon, Abandon"'s guitars for some reason and once again, loving the synth on "Troublesome". So much glissando and just that good kinda sharp vibe. Ugh "Recovery Room" is a ballad. Ballads are hit or miss on a good day and this one is definitely a miss (today at least). It's six minutes long too. Closer ("Above the Waves") is a pretty traditional closer. There's some build up (in a pop way, not a midwest emo way) but it's still like the rest of the album overall. Last rendition of the chorus (with the backing vocals) is pretty great.

Vocals are very samey across all the songs and not in a fun yelly way (so much reverb). I know that's how this style of emo is (there's two! Brand New albums on this list. Tied with Jimmy Eat World. Only Mike Kinsella has more) and the main focus really is the lyrics, not the delivery, but more variety would be nice. Or at least more energy. 

As a side note, I love how with each release the album cover gets higher and higher quality.

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And with that, another set of albums done. Almost a quarter of the way through the list. Everything was actually emo this time and it sure revealed my preferences for fast, very energetic music. And cool album covers. I keep going back and forth about buying the Owls album. I think I will because the local record shop apparently has a special, indie record store only edition and I love colored vinyls. But there's another, slightly more expensive special edition on Bandcamp, so we'll see (I guess quite a bit more expensive with shipping).

Dog Days 14 and 15

You know it's actually not been too hot. Or rather, the humidity has been down so the 80s have been more bearable than they were a few weeks ago. But it's still gonna be marked as dog days for a while.

Sunday I got up at 7 and decided that running while fasting was probably a bad idea after all so I went back to sleep instead. Church was fine, it was weird only showing up a few minutes early. Didn't participate much in sunday school (was working on some family things) and testimony meeting was very average (which is fine!). Waited around for like an hour after church because roommate had meetings. 

Got home, sat around a bit, did some reading and eventually decided to go running (after eating of course). Was going to do a 10-10.3 mile course but my headphones died and I didn't want to do that long of a run without them (I was all ready to use Analphabetapolothology since it's only just a tad too short for the 10:00 pace on that course). So I decided to do speed training. Mapped out a 3 mile (actually like 3.2 mile) course, set my timer for 27 minutes (so a 9:00 pace...for three miles) and started running. I was doing drills where I'd run fast for 30 seconds and then run at normal pace for a minute. Well I made it in exactly 27 minutes, which means my actual pace was like 8:30. Felt like dying afterwards.

Rest of the night was DnD prep. I'm creating a discord server to organize my open table so I've been working on that. Made a logo in paint. Messed around with different hex map programs. Stayed up till like 2:30 working on this hence not making a blog post.

This morning I intended to go shopping for Tuesday but was lazy getting out of bed. So I didn't. Made it to the office around noon and worked on various things there. Mostly cleaned out my desk but I'll do the actual move Wednesday. FHE was a family history night, I shared a story about how my (probable) 14-great grandfather was one of the printers of the original KJV bible. It was very silly and I played into my whole "all my stories are ambiguously true" vibe. Went home and didn't work. Decided I should go to bed at a reasonable time tonight.

I need to actually get up early to shop tomorrow (the dish I'm doing takes about 3 hours, though most of that is boiling meat. I can do spice prep during that time). I also told my advisor I'd send back my edits by noon and I've barely done any so far. And there's a bunch of emails to respond to, mostly about moving my defense date back. 

I tagged this with music because I listened to quite a few things worth mentioning. First is the Front Bottoms' You Are Who You Hang Out With. It was fine. Some of the songs work really well (like basically all the singles and "Batman" really got to me too) others were just alright. Decent album but not one of my top ones for the year. I also listened to somethings I haven't heard before. Prawn's Kingfisher was pretty good, though I do see why it gets criticized for having too samey sounding songs on it. I absolutely love its album art, shame that posters are out of print. Today I listened to Crying's double EP Getting Olde/Second Wind. It's a mix of power pop and chiptunes, which is fairly interesting. I quite liked it.  

Emotionally feeling fine. Too good maybe? I'm always so paranoid about that, but I've been tired rather than hyper and aggressive/confident so I don't think I'm going hypomanic. Not that staying up till 3 working on a project is a good sign. I still feel a bit of imposter syndrome about my diagnosis but I think the meds are working (hard to say, seeing as I started them in a good time and all) and when I go back through the records there's just no denying it. So I dunno.

Dog Days 11, 12 and 13

So I've had a lot of late nights recently, hence why I skipped journalling. Only going over the important parts (that I remember).

So the big things I did on Thursday were review the grant proposal and host DnD. Five people showed up and we spent the first hour or so building characters. Then we got to the actual adventure and man was that a lot of ad-libbing. I had actually prepared some encounters and a general idea of what should happen and of course we immediately went off the rails. The party was much more interested in the psychological condition of the barkeep than I expected, so instead of having the adventurer guild be pre-established we took a detour to make it before going on the real adventure (also now the barkeep is racist towards goblins). They also captured the goblin ambush (which went hilariously poorly on the goblins' side) instead of killing them, which I decided will cause problems down the line. Thanks to a series of extremely poor rolls, it took forever for the party to discover what was supposed to be a pretty easy mystery. And then we accidentally recreated Thanksgiving (which was not my intention at all) because the players got really into negotiating peace between the pixies and the cultists utopianists. Also everyone seems convinced that I'm trying to kill them while I play every NPC very sincerely (and never even considered trapping the bridge). Overall though (and despite running late) people seemed to like it and I'm getting a lot of praise for my DMing, probably because I'm loose, fun and good at improv.

Friday was a grant writing day. I had a good meeting with my advisor about moving forward and assembled my committee (but will probably push back my defense date). I went home and did a 5 mile run in the evening (pace was a bit faster than 10:00, which is good since that includes stopping for cars and getting distracted by a deer. I was sprinting at the end though). Then I got back to grant writing and finished the sections I'd say I'd do at like 2 in the morning. At least I don't feel terrible doing the writing like I did back in March. Yeah (temporarily?) not being depressed.

Saturday I got up early to go to the Renaissance Faire. I didn't get around to making a costume, so I just threw on a sarung and a blangkon. It was really fun, probably the best RF I've been to. Some highlights include all the carnival rides being completely human powered, a famous glassblower doing demos and of course the drama that is the joust (3/4 competitors were "dead" by the end). On the car ride there and backed I worked on different travel routes for my October trip. I'm thinking about leaving Jakarta a day earlier (since I have all of Saturday to shop, Sunday to meet with people/shop/etc and Monday to potentially meet with co-authors, I don't really need another flex day) to give me just a bit more time in Sulawesi (pending this guy actually wanting me, but I think he will). I discovered this one park in Central Sulawesi I really want to go to (it has megaliths and birds so it was basically designed for me) but it's a bit out of the way so I've been thinking up a couple of routes. I think in the end it really depends on 2 things: Can I get to Kendari from Sorowako and how easy is it to get to Sorowako from Tanah Toraja (or really Palepo). That determines when I go to Tanah Toraja, either on the way to Sorowako or on the way back towards Makassar. But there's no way I'm going to South Sulawesi without visiting Tanah Toraja (I might skip Makassar though because it's easy to hit on another trip). I have some flex time, I don't think I need to spend more than 4 days in Surabaya. Then I have a day or two in Jakarta to recouperate and buy more swag (and possibly a trip to Bandung on Monday riding the new HSR if that's an option) before going home (and doing a shopping trip in Tokyo for my sister maybe). It's going to be a very busy month.

Tagged this one for music because a couple new albums came out this week. There's The Front Bottoms' You Are Who You Hang Out With which has "Punching Bag" (a song I really like). I haven; listened to it yet but I'm excited. I just finished Chris Farren's Doom Singer (I got introduced to him by the music video for one of the singles on this album, "Cosmic Leash". Awesome song). It's pretty good. The song "Screensaver" got to me, even if it is less relevant to my life now post-answer.

Oh and I ordered a new (cheap) computer today. So that's exciting I guess. Anyway, time to go to bed, I'm running in the morning tomorrow (and then probably again in the evening; gotta train). 

Dog Days 8 and 9

 So I didn't write yesterday because our internet was out, not because I was lazy.

Anyway, got up and went shopping since I hadn't done that in like 3 weeks. Went home, put away food and ate lunch. Went to the office. Got a response back to one of my emails (I need to respond back to her, she was so prompt and her info was really useful) and then talked to my advisor about what I figured out with regard to costs. Wrote a report on that and also on what fieldwork might entail. Went over to the library to look at the Censuses again but they hadn't been reshelved yet. Went to FHE and played games. Gave a blessing to one of my ministerees (been a while since I did that; I just did the anointing and had the handbook open the whole time). Came home and learned our internet was out so I couldn't work. Helped one of my players make a homebrew race (we fudged some of the rules because it's hard to evaluate how much the weaknesses and feats interplay...definitely going against the 5e grain here). Went to bed with the intent of going to the office early to finish my work.

Got up and then went back to sleep. Did make it to the office by like 9:30. Worked for a bit and then ate lunch and went to help with a move. Luckily it was a pretty easy move (everything in boxes and not much furniture). Despite the day being fairly cool compared to last week, it was still hot in the sun. I think I lost my building key during the move, not sure though. At the very least, when I went to leave the office it wasn't where I thought it was. So I might be out 20 bucks (and in a lot of shame). Go back to my office, finish up some work and go to a meeting. Meeting concludes and I go back up which is when I realized I didn't have the building key. Retrace my path and can't find it. 

Since I was in the area, I went to the record shop to check it out. Lots and lots of stuff. Of course I couldn't really find anything I was interested in in the used section; they were all in the new section. Bought Rites of Spring's S/T because that's out of print and I've been thinking about it for a while. Such a good album. I'll probably also buy the digital form (plus the EP) straight from the label. Also picked up a $4 mystery grab bag too. 5 vinyls of things I'd never listen to. Went to the climbing gym but by that point everyone else was there too so I didn't climb much and just went home after like 30 minutes. Didn't want to deal with a crowd. Went home. Zoomed in to a friend's mission call opening. San Jose, which means my guess of San Bernardino was actually somewhat close. Took another phone call from a friend. Read through some stuff and now I'm here writing this.

I'm checking out an apartment for my sister tomorrow morning, after running (so no hanging out post run). There's also lunch, games in the afternoon and then I'm skipping institute for a dinner. Busy, busy day. Should be good though. Not that these past days have been bad. I feel pretty good (and I don't think that's the meds, they're more for stabilization than actually improving moods plus I was feeling good before the meds). Slowly working out the logistics of my trip. I need to actually announce it so I can find a place to drop my suitcase off in Jakarta. If I do end up doing a crazy bus trip, I don't want to be dragging that around. Need to get my grant proposal drafted by Friday. Lots to do is the point. 

Oh I forgot to mention. I saw a heron in the bushes and went to take a photo of it. As I did that I saw a kingfisher fly past. No photo but that's when I knew today would be a good day. Then I saw a heron in a tree and another one in the water. So many herons today.

RS Greatest Emo Albums: 38-35

A continuation of this project I started. Putting 4 together this time because why not. No real themes as far as I am aware of to bind these together and not much pre-music commentary to make so off we go.

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The first album today, at number 38, is Intersections by Into It. Over It. (how fitting). Never heard of them before, apparently it's a one-man project (or at least was when this album was recorded)? Notably, it's the only album on the list from after 2008. And to be quite frank, one of the only ones released within 10 years of the article's publication in 2016. So that's interesting since the article is otherwise lacking emo revival/fourth wave representation (the album from 2008 is also revival iirc). On to the album itself though.

Liking this album so far (which checks out, I like midwest emo). "New North-Side Air" has some cool instruments. I'm quite digging "A Curse Worth Believing", especially the beginning. But like the layered vocals are cool (and sounding like a noisy Death Cab song isn't a bad thing). Liking "Upstate Blues" a lot too. Really fun guitars, the loud-quiet dynamic and I love the line "If misery loves company than what does that make me?" cause I'm cringe (end fades into the next song really well too. Love a good transition). Speaking of that next song, the build up for "No Amount of Sound" is great. No idea what the song is about though. "A Pair of Matching Taxi Rides" is also awesome. The guitars (there's some real noisey/fuzzy ones that remind me of some of the sounds I was experimenting with for Ghelded Kultz 10 years ago, before this album came out even) and the way it changes over the song. "Your Antique Organ" is a softer song (on an already soft album) but there's some really cool instrumentation in the background. Another great song overall. And is the last song ("Contractual Obligation") a break up song? I love break-up songs, plus it just sounds fun and has a lot going on (I do love layered vocals). Also the lines "The look of your name is such an eyesore" and "Today I walked alone for the first time/Reclaimed the finer brick from your fault lines" are big mood.

Yeah I like this album. Unsurprising. I like midwest emo, I like indie rock, I like twinkly guitars, I like noise. Plus I've apparently liked other projects this guy is in (like Pet Symmetry). Good choice Rolling Stone.

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Album number 2 (well 37) is one I know quite well, Indian Summer's Science 1994. I think I first listened to it in 2017, maybe 2018? Point is, I've known it for a long time. So some fun facts about this album. In true punk fashion, it's actually a compilation album of all (or at least most of) their prior work. The names of the songs on bandcamp are completely different than what they are normally known by and I'm pretty sure none of the songs have official titles (though they do have well known ones). Since it was only a dollar on bandcamp and I love this album, that's what I'll be using. I'll need notes to align the track names though.

"I think your train is leaving" ("giving") starts soft but has really good build up and riffs. Also I can only assume that the lyrics are entirely literal. "Touch The Wings Of An Angel... Doesn’t Mean You Can Fly" ("birth") has an awesome riff. I really like the staticky quality at the beginning of "Aren't you Angel" ("thunder"), in a way it almost reminds me of Daniel Johnson. Also that song uses dynamics so well (and screams). "Waiting" ("by") is just awesome when it gets all quiet for a second as the singer says "killer" and then goes into an almost metallic repetitive riff (which almost reminds me of Big Black). 

And then we get to "Angry Son" ("sleeping"). This is the song that introduced me to Indian Summer and it is just wonderful. The quiet start with spoken word lyrics. Just perfection when the loud guitar comes in. A driving bass in the background (sounds like something from Low of all bands. Almost like it was ripped out of "Lullaby"). And an iconic ending with a record playing in the background (same as the beginning. As much as I love Origami Angel, this is how samples should be done since it really adds to the song. It's funny, I'm not much one for noodling and long songs, but some of my favorite songs in general are really long, even self indulgent. "Diamond Sea" by Sonic Youth, "Do you know how to waltz?" and "Lullaby" by Low, "SexBomb" by Flipper and as I just mentioned "Angry Song" all would count.

"Orchard" ("with") has a really cool riff all through it and the chorus is deliciously noisy. As usual "Sugar Pill" ("his") has a great build-up and the screams of "pills" abound in a good way. The bass on "Reflections On Milkweed" ("daughter") is also so great, especially how it interplays with the guitar (both in twinkle and noise mode). 

While I'm glad that this album made the list, 37 is much too low. It's not just a historically important album (well sort of. Indian Summer was important, the album was released well after their heyday but all the songs were already there), it's a great album. Every song is great (even the ones I didn't mention), "Angry Son" is literally one of the best emo songs of all time and few bands have done the loud-quiet dynamic and build ups better than Indian Summer. 

Have an 8bit cover of "Angry Son".

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Number 36 on the list is Gatefold by Orchid. So the first real screamo/skramz album on the list (not that some of the prior ones didn't have good screams, Science 1994 for instance). 

Starts out very loud and creamy. Definitely faster/more hardcore than any of the albums so far (which checks out, Orchid was a powerviolence band). These songs are short too. I think I like "Loft Party" and "I wanna fight" switches between loud and less loud really well. End of "A Visit from Dr. Goodsex" is fun. I'm liking "We Love Prison" which is more typical of post-hardcore and less powerviolencey than other songs imo. The style switch in "Flip the Tapes" is cool and especially impressive seeing as the whole song is < 30s. "Tigers" is a masterpiece. It's slow compared to the rest of the album but the main riff is good and the lyrics are fun ("I make love in theory and touch myself in practice" is a banger of a line and the whole thing is making fun of intellectuals). Sound effects at the start of "Let's Commodify Sexuality" are great. The drum break/solo at the beginning of "Discourse of Desire" would be fun to sample for something. "None More Black" is good. 

This album is whatever. There's parts I like and I'm impressed how much can be fit in very short run times, but in the end it isn't really my style. Better than most grindcore though (all grindcore?).

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Last album for this post, at number 35, is Coheed and Cambria's Good Apollo, I’m Burning Star IV, Volume One: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness. Wait since when was Coheed and Cambria emo and the article even acknowledges that this is when they went really prog. I know that emo and prog aren't anathema to each other (lots of math rock in emo after all) but it still feels weird. I haven't listened to Coheed and Cambria since high school and even then it was a pretty rare occurrence (usually tied to pony music videos I think). But here we go I guess (also 70 minutes of sci fi rock opera? This better be amazing, else I'm going to die).

So it starts off with slow strings and a piano? I mean not my thing but the piano riff is cool enough I guess. Decent atmosphere? Not a big fan of "Always and Never". It's a nice little soft song but I prefer my falsettos screamed. Cool synths I guess (especially at the end)?  [At this point I change the playlist I'm using because I got the single version/music video version of the next song]. "Welcome Home" has a good riff but I prefer it before it goes electric. Not a fan of the vocals (cue the people who are like "but you love the Brave Little Abacus!" Yeah, that's why I don't like these vocals). Oh no, a solo while cellos (?) are plagiarizing "Kashmir". "Ten Speed" is whatever. More guitar wank but it isn't twinkly. "Crossing the Frame" has some crescendo/buildup which I like and a good bass. Still doesn't grab me all that much. "Writing Writer" is okay. My favorite part might be the bridge, since the drums, bass and synths are being cool. I think I actually like "Once Upon Your Dead Body". Good bass, good rhythm guitar and I am sort of actually listening to the lyrics. "The Suffering" is fine. I like the piano and the heys. "Mother May" is decent. 

And now onto the four 7 minute songs all called "Willing Well" (I can't stand prog). The start of "I" is good but then it's just a regular song (with a cool bass, tbf). Well a regular song that changes a bunch, but not really in a way I like. "II" has a nice bounce near the beginning but that's about it. And I guess I like how it sounds kind of jolly/upbeat (the first 2 minutes at least). Yeah I stop liking it after about that point, with some minor exceptions. "III" starts like "Event Horizon" (by Šyþed Pyklez, not Coheed and Cambria) but getting faster instead of slower. We had the same idea though. And then the songs diverge wildly ("Event Horizon" is better). Don't like where this is going 4 minutes in (the kinda start/stoppy section). I liked the end though. Same could be said about "IV", the outro is the best part. Might be one of my favorite parts of the album actually. 

It's not like this album is bad or anything. Didn't want to completely turn it off or anything. I can see why other people would like it. But I just don't vibe with it. And I'm annoyed that this took a spot on the list. Maybe the lyrics are emo (I didn't care to pay attention) but musically it isn't at all. Unlike Love and Death (which I complained about last time) I can't even think of a good reason for this being in the running for this list at all. I'm not saying it stole the spot from just got back from the discomfort... (it should have been on the list but no one knew about Brave Little Abacus in 2016, especially not the weirdos at Rolling Stone) but there's plenty of more deserving, actual emo albums. So I'm a bit miffed. I've heard their first (and to lesser extent second) album actually is pretty post-hardcore/emo so maybe that would have been a better inclusion. But alas.

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Well six albums in and only three were unambiguously emo. Not a great start to this list. Two were sort of emo (and definitely associated with emo in pop culture so the inclusion makes enough sense) and one I don't get how it made the list at all. Looking forward to the next set, which has some bands I've heard of and some I haven't but even the ones I've heard of I don't think I've listened to the albums. So that should be fun. 

Nauvoo Trip and some more (Summer Days 29-33 or something)

I've been really busy (or at least coming home late when I'm home at all) and lazy. I won't cover everything, just the important stuff.

I had a bunch of meeting Wednesday, along with running and institute. I also went to donate blood but was still slightly anemic. I'll try once more before my trip. Got a t-shirt though. Institute was fine. Got home late and didn't bother folding my clothes (my clothes remain unfolded so I'll do that after this).

Thursday's big event was watching Barbie and Oppenheimer (Oppenheimer first). I went to the office to do work (and get a ride to the movies...I took the bus and everything) but ended up having to go home fairly soon because new/old roommate was moving in a day earlier than expected. So I ended up biking to the movies. Both were very good. Oppenheimer is the better movie but Barbie was very fun even if it dragged on a bit near the end (and quite frankly, Ken's storyline doesn't really feel resolved). Ken's song should get Best Original Song as the Oscars next year. It also needs a midwest emo cover ASAP. Like yeah the 80s rock/ballad style fits better with Ken's personality but those lyrics scream emo. 

I had a bunch of meetings Friday morning so I went to the office to do those before heading back home. Packed and then took the bus to the church (three transfers!) for Nauvoo. Rode in a car with a bunch of new people, almost all of whom are real into DnD so we talked a lot about that. The rout we took went through a whole bunch of back roads, which was weird. Between that and dinner, we didn't arrive until after 11. Played a bit of cards and then went to bed. 

I got up a little before 6 so that I could shower before my 8am initiatory appointment. Wasn't the first person up, but was pretty close. Got dressed and then caught a ride with the other person who had the same idea (we're both social misanthropes, which is something we've bonded over quite a bit). Wandered around the temple grounds while listening to Low's "The Lamb" since that's a very appropriate song for the circumstances. Nauvoo is one of my favorite temples honestly. They don't build them like this anymore. Went in, printed names, saw Joseph Smith's sword (which was a family artifact before whoever inherited it gave it to the church), did initiatories for the first time in like over 5 years. I'd forgotten the blessings associated with it so that was a nice reminder of my potential. Five names goes pretty fast so I was done by 8:20 or so and out the door by about 830. Walked back to where we were staying (a little less than a mile and luckily on a flat surface). Played the blue, out of tune street piano a bit on my way back. Changed into my civilian clothes and then went with my car to explore. First we went to the old cemetery (which is apparently newer than the pioneer cemetery) and then down to old town. We checked out the Browning shop (which was new for me), the tin shop and watched some dancers before heading back to our place to get ready for endowments. I had already decided I wasn't doing a session (once again, a good choice) but did get talked into doing baptisms, the first I'd done in 4.5 years. It could have gone smoother. I forgot about confirmations so after changing out of my wet clothes, I just walked out through a non-descript side exit and had to do the walk of shame through the main entrance back to the baptistry. But the ordinances themselves were good. Even with pictures, we still got back before the endowment people. Changed into civilian clothes again and we decided as a group to go to Carthage before the rush. I rode over. I'd done Carthage before so it was whatever. On the ride over and back I talked about life with previously mentioned misanthropic friend. I ended up telling her about Her and how I was sort of engaged, which was a story she'd been waiting like 3 weeks to hear (I mentioned at a party that I had experiencing seducing rich people but that the party wasn't the time to tell it). 

Get back to the house and then walk to the visitor's center with a few people (and finally got more context on the question. At least I can safely say that I accept the answer now. That didn't take too long). Ran into another person and so it was the five of us for the rest of the night. After doing the scavenger hunt at the visitor's center and getting bricks, we headed back for dinner but decided to just buy rice bowls instead. Over the course of all this, we talked about all sorts of things including how we definitely were a group of side characters in whatever tv show we're in, my thoughts on anarchism which are probably pretty illogical but have good vibes, and cults. After dinner we went to the pageant area but it was before anything started so we walked over to the Smith family graveyard and sat for a while there. The marsh was very pretty (4.5 star marsh) and I bird watched a bit (saw a heron) while listening to Low's Double Negative since that seemed very appropriate and isolating. Of course that meant I didn't realize when people were trying to talk to me, lol. I left the group (more people were coming to the site and while I like the people in that group, I didn't want to be in a crowd) and started down the river. Ended up running into Bishop and his wife and talked to them for a bit. By that point the rest of my group caught up and we walked along the river and admired the sunset before heading over to the pageant. I didn't want to do the pageant so I just walked back to the house (up a hill and playing the piano on the way, of course). Hung out at the house and got asked more about my life by the other person who didn't want to go to the pageant (while she also vented to me about a bunch of things). That was a really hard (open ended) question to answer. Around 9:30 walked back to the temple. After waiting for it to light up (the signal that the pageant was going to end) I headed over to the piano and started playing it (I decided to work on learning "Wine, Women and Song" because that's a good one for a very out of tune piano) since I thought it would be funny to play piano in the dark as people passed by. Well not many people passed by, in fact it was basically just people from the ward. The first was the couple I'd been hanging out with earlier and they found it very funny and on brand that the random person playing piano in the dark was me. I didn't go back with them though because I didn't want to cockblock. Next group was the other half of the group I'd been with earlier (plus some others) and I went with them. They also thought it was funny. I should also mention that both groups had actually guessed that the person was me, from off in a distance. Anyway got back, showered and went to sleep. Well, lay in bed wanting to go to sleep. 

Fell asleep by 1 and was already awake by like 4:45. Stayed in bed half asleep until like 5:55 though. Then I got up, stripped the bed, got dressed and ate breakfast. Helped with other clean up stuff and my car left around 7:10 (we were one of the last because we helped). It's 4.5 hours to Madison and we were at the church by like 11:30...so we went fast. I slept like the whole car ride. Well maybe 3 hours of it. Was dead tired in sacrament meeting. Took attendance for Elder's quorum and then skipped out on the rest of it. Got a ride home with someone else who was tired and skipping 2nd hour. Got home, learned that we can't use the shower due to a leak and took a nap. Then just worked on various things all afternoon and evening I guess. Played bass (I can do "Where is my mind" pretty much b memory; also worked on natural harmonics). Did the dishes. Cooked two dinners (I didn't really have lunch and breakfast was tiny but that was still pretty excessive). Finally got around to listening to Brave Little Abacus and have decided they are the only non-Šyþed Pyklez/Ghelded Kultz band that actually have the shithe spirit (oh last night I also admitted that I still write songs and sometimes they relate to my feelings). Not wanting fans to pay for music, being noisy and experimental and singing poorly and so forth. Still better musicians and lyricists though. And now I'm writing this and not folding my laundry because it's late and I have a very long and busy day tomorrow.

I've felt pretty good these last few days, but in a non manic way. A nice change from the last ward trip. I have my appointment on Tuesday and finished the paperwork Friday. I'm really hoping that I can express myself well and start to get help. I'm fine now (and have been for a month, contextual week feeling bummed out aside), but I was fine in May too and all regular readers now how that turned out. Saturday was genuinely one of the nicest, happiest days I've had in a while (and no uncontrollable crying and depression afterwards!). I was a normal person (emotionally, at least). I think I actually do feel peace at the temple. Whodathunk?  

Summer Days 24 and 25

 Once again double posting due to laziness. Not the worst thing in the world. 

So yesterday (Friday) I got up and was pretty lazy about getting out of bed. As I was getting ready to go to work, my coworker came over so that I could help fix his bike as I promised I'd do. Replacing the chain was easy but I managed to royally screw up switching out the breaks. I could not for the life of me get them properly aligned and just kept making things worse. Man I hate rim breaks. So that really soured my mood and I just worked from home for the rest of the day.

I was going to go for a run (doing the 8 mile loop that I haven't done yet, just to see if I have the endurance for it) but the weather was threatening rain so I didn't. I probably could have squeezed in the run but oh well. I ended up recording the vocals for "Fishing for Birds". The first 4 verses and the choruses turned out pretty well I think. At least, as well as a non-pop singer like me is going to get. The last two verses need work, because I've lost my ability to emo scream. I'll probably record them so that they are more aligned with the bass line I was playing (which also needs to be rerecorded. Not sure when, new roommate comes next week and I don't want to bother him if he's working...or not working...from home). Anyway, now I need to set up the drums an pads and basically finish out all the instrumentation. It's weird for me to record the vocals first, but that felt most right for this song.

Oh my sister got engaged and I forgot to do laundry. 

Today was the first Saturday in a while where I actually slept in. Like 8:30! It was pretty restless sleep though. Didn't do much in the morning, just prepariong for the rest of the day. Around 10:30/11 we headed off to Devil's Lake for a picnic with my roommate's family's ward, to swim and to climb. I ate a lot of food in preparation of the swim across the lake. We swam from south shore to north shore (which based on google, was probably over a mile), rested at north shore for a while and then swam back. Now I actually only swam (completely unassisted) like 1.75 miles (okay maybe a bit more, it's ambiguous), since on the way back I went on a detour with my roommate to check out some rocks (I did climb them, wet hands and no shoes) so he pulled me with the kayak. Was still kicking but assistance is assistance. Ate more and then we went over to climb. Did a couple of problems. Most impressive was one that was meant to be done with no hands but even with hands was really hard. The main issue was the lack of good holds up top, so I basically had to throw my knee up top to give myself enough support to get over. Getting down was pretty difficult too. Then we went home, I started laundry, watched Unicorn Warriors Eternal (one episode to go!) showered and wrote this.

I need to figure out a one-shot (maybe 2 shot) to play by Tuesday evening. Kind of on a time crunch. Yay. Oh and I'm running tomorrow morning before going on a two day camping trip (to Devil's Lake). So I need to prep for that. Then Wednesday is going to be really busy because I have to catch up on work, along with my other regular Wednesday activities and also donating blood. Wow it's a lot.

Summer Days 22 and 23

I was lazy okay.

Got up yesterday and went for a run, then watched the Tour de France at my friend's house. Went tothe gym to shower. Went to my office and then had lunch with people from church. Went back to my office, played Catan and then worked some more. Eventually went and got dinner, returned to the office for a bit and then went to institute. Institute went well and I went home afterwards because I was tired and didn't feel like socializing.

Felt fine.

Today I got up and even made it out of the house at a fairly reasonable time. Went climbing and ended up scrapping my shin pretty early in the session, but since the bleeding wasn't too bad I kept on going. Did some work (not enough, I really need to drill down on the tables tomorrow. Also need to contact a few people). Hung around the office. Around 6 went over to the student union for a concert. Because of rain, the concert was delayed by about 45 minutes as the bands did their soundchecks. First band was a local noise rock sort of outfit (Interlay). I liked them quite a bit, they might be one of my favorite local bands so far. Then Deerhoof started playing but after two songs the concert was cancelled due to lightning. Which was dumb because we could see that the storm was far away and heading away from us but rules are rules. A pretty great two songs though, I wish I could have heard more (and not just listen to it on youtube). Oh well.

Went home, did some stuff on reddit and here I am. Once again, I'm feeling fine as far as I can tell. Less than 2 weeks till my appointment, will probably still be feeling fine then (this is a good thing, will hopefully make getting help easier, not harder).

Oh and I need to find a one shot ASAP. I'm running it Tuesday.

Rolling Stone's 40 Greatest Emo Albums of all Time: 40-39

I felt it would be good to do some actual hobby stuff on this blog again, instead of just whining about my feelings. I enjoy complaining about music and I happened to have this article open on a tab since I was reading about Shmap'n Shmazz so why not go through all 40 albums and see what happens. Of course, the fact that it's a list of emo albums means that I'm not really avoiding the whining about my feelings part, but on the other hand. Also I swear I listen to things other than emo. In fact most of what I listen to is probably closer to alternative/indie rock (especially of the garage variety). Or like quiet indie pop singer-song writers. I'm not that much of a stereotype! (Well I am, but in a hipster way)

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The first album on the list is In Love and Death by the Used. I've never gone out of my way to listen to the Used. In fact, despite being well aware of them since high school (mostly because I knew what bands had mormon ties), I don't think I've ever listened to a song by them before this. If this is their best album, I guess I wasn't missing much.

I mean the album is fine. I can see why people who like 3rd wave emo like it (I'm not a huge fan of the genre outside of Jimmy Eat World...middle school biases will always remain I guess 😛... and for that matter I think most people consider JEW 2nd wave even though they have that pop sound associated with the 3rd wave. Then again waves are about time periods more than sound. It's not like 2nd wave= midwest and 3rd wave = emo pop even if those were the dominant genres during the waves. But I digress). I can also see why people might like the lyrics but none of the songs really pulled me hard enough to actually bother looking at them or thinking about them. My guess is that they are probably cringe for emo, which is already the cringest of all genres (Šyþed Pyklez is an emo band, actually). None of the music/guitar work really got to me either. It just was there.

Favorite songs? Uhhh I think I liked "Let it Bleed", "Light with a Sharpened Edge" and "Lunacy Fringe". No idea what any of them are about but I'm pretty sure those were the ones I liked the most. Not gonna bother going back and checking, let alone relistening to them.

So yeah, that's In Love and Death. I'm sure it's very deep and I guess putting something from them on the list works from a representation standpoint. But this got in over 10 Songs? Or something by Marietta? Or please be nice (okay this one might've been too obscure)? I'll also note here that the article says it was published in 2019 but the text seems to indicate it was actually made in 2016 and there's only one album post 2008. So they're missing a lot of good stuff even ignoring that they couldn't rank albums from the future (Somewhere City is a perfect album, dammit, even if some of Origami Angel's later work has higher highs).

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The next album is A Fever You Can't Sweat Out by Panic! at the Disco. I actually have listened to this album before, in fact it might be the only P!atD album I've listened to. I seem to recall it being a bit too poppy/theatrical for my liking (though still good) but we'll see how I feel this time through. 

Pretty strong opening to be honest. "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage" is a fun, punchy song, has good bass and fun electronic stuff (also this band is one that loved absurd titles. I forgot for a second). Next few songs are fine but not as fun as that first (technically second) one. "Time to Dance" doesn't even feel as danceable as you'd think given the title. Where's the bass? "Intermission" is good. It's not emo (from a genre standpoint, honestly this whole album is pretty borderline but that's Rolling Stone for you), but it's good.

Less of a fan of the second half of the album, probably to the surprise of no one. There's some pretty fun stuff on it but I have a complicated relationship with theater kids. The bass intro on "I Constantly Thank God For Esteban" (and the spanishish guitar) is pretty sweet.

I think this is another band that people really like the lyrics of but I don't care enough to look at them. Also I'm pretty sure they're they're probably a lot cleverer and less "emo" than most "emo" bands. Take that as you will.  

Based on the above my favorite songs are "The Only Difference...", "Intermission" and "Esteban" which I think is a pretty unpopular opinion overall. Which checks out honestly.

To be quite frank I know P!atD is strongly associated with emo in pop culture but this album is probably one of the biggest offenders on the list (and the entry actually recognizes this). Good album (I certainly like it more than In Love and Death) but barely emo adjacent at best. It's not even that pop punky so it's not covering that side of the genre either.    

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It's pretty funny that both of these albums have Mormon ties (and I think are the only albums on the list that do). Apostates, but ties all the same. Doctrines of Salvation will put Šyþed Pyklez into this esteemed (?) group, though not apostate. And also not having any emo songs since the album is basically electronica (and emotions).

Summer Day 14 (Indepenence Day)

Still bummed out (honestly more bummed out than yesterday) but I think I'm starting to finally recover. Didn't even consider the Foreign Legion this time.

Woke up before my alarm because of course I did (luckily not too much earlier, I think I still did sleep in a bit). Eventually got out of bed and showered and wrote about patience. Then I messed around on the bass for a while. Worked on some of the songs I like. Around 1ish I finally left my room to eat a quick lunch and then I prepared for our event in the park.

It's like an hour bike ride there and was very hot. And I got rained on. But I made it. Played a bit of volleyball and as I was taking a break there was a(n unexpected) family call so I was on that while cutting pineapple. Then I played some other games and I was just getting stressed by all the people and of course being upset (despite swearing otherwise) so I eventually made up an excuse that I was going to check out a nearby store. Store was closed but that quick bike ride worked and it did calm me down quite a bit. Played kubb and spikeball and was a bit more sociable. 

Went home (slowly and took the long way). Did some noise rock on the bass, workshopping Fishing for Birds. The last two verses are probably going to be a noise rock/emo remix of the earlier verses (coming after the rap bridge...it is a pop song after all), since they're about love and stuff and I that really brings out the bitterness in me. The bitterness I need for that song.

Went over to the park to watch more fireworks. Lots of weaving through cars, it's great to be a cyclist. I recorded lots of the fireworks' booms and crackles with the hope to maybe sample some of them. They might work well for Doctrines of Annihilation (which I want to get progressively glitchier as the song progresses) and I think the crackly fireworks my make for a good shaker-type effect for Pits. Going home I was still pretty upset and of course upset with myself for feeling upset when I promised I wouldn't be. 

Got home, messed around on the wall a bit, wrote out my feelings in the secret diary and you know those made me feel better. I'm not too upset right now. It's valid to feel this way, even if it was just a crush and I wasn't even rejected (technically). I also set my mutual to the whole USA and started swiping a bit. No great pickings yet but you know, that's okay. I'm just dipping my toes back in and seeing what happens. Trying to show I can do it. I'm listening to a best of compilation of mxmtoons right now (because my musical taste is half midwest emo/math rock/old school post hardcore and half waifish indie singer-song writers) and the song the idea of you hit home. But like, it didn't trigger anything bad. More like "yeah I'm pretty dumb and that's okay" and "wow this is so relatable". 

Going running in the morning. And I have a bunch of meetings. And maybe a pool party. And just a lot of stuff going on. Maybe I'll get some work done on Fishing for Birds and really get that bedroom pop vibe I'm looking for. (Would you look at that, the sideline is super relatable too. Not making a move because you don't want to ruin a friendship (and also fear rejection)).

On patience

I am a patient boy

I wait I wait I wait I wait

I wasn't always so patient. I'd get frustrated and angry (I mean I still do). I never wanted to wait. I learned patience (and longsuffering) in many ways. The mission was a big one. Being forced to repeatedly be with people I couldn't stand, all day every day. Things not working out, repeatedly, all day every day. Enduring to the end (of 2 years). 

My life plan not working out. Coming to terms that We couldn't be together. That it was okay to do things slower than my peers. School, careers, relationships, marriage. 

Learning to cope. To just leave situations that were irritating me, making me angry. Taking walks or bike rides to be alone. Learning how to calm down. Realizing that I didn't want to be angry and yell all the time.

I am a patient boy

My time is like water down a drain

Everybody's moving, everybody's moving

Everybody's moving, moving, moving, moving

Please don't leave me to remain

In the waiting room

And yet like all virtues, being too patient isn't a good thing. Just because I shouldn't rush into things because that's what my peers are doing, doesn't mean I shouldn't do those things. I can't just wait for what I want to fall into my lap, even though I've been weirdly successful in the past. 

I only have so much time and it's one thing I can never get back. Even with an eternity, it is a precious resource. Life is short, biological clocks are shorter. 

Please don't leave me to remain, in the waiting room

But I don't sit idly by
I'm planning a big surprise
I'm gonna fight for what I wanna be
And I won't make the same mistakes ('cause I know)
Because I know how much time that wastes (and function)
Function is the key

It's time to move on. To take things into my own hands. I've been sitting idly by for too long. I might not have a big surprise but it is time to fight (myself) to be who I want to be. I'll make new mistakes but hopefully not waste time, waiting. Being patient.   

(Yeah I know this song is probably about being in jail but let me have my moment). 

Summer Day 1

 Longest day of the year baby! 

Woke up at 5:30, which was 30 minutes before my alarm so I went back to sleep. Got up at 6, was out by 6:20. Run at 7, not sure what the pace was but it was already hot so I wouldn't be surprised if it was over 10/mile. Hung out a while then went to the gym to shower. Went to the office, worked on a couple of things then went downstairs to play Catan.

Got a call from the psychiatrists' office. Got an appointment set up for...late July. Well it will have to do. I'm feeling fine right now and if previous experience means anything I'll either be fine then or be on a downswing. So we'll see. If I'm fine right now, why rush things? Also they won't let me update my insurance info on the website, which is annoying. 

Filled out some forms, did a bit of work and then went to Taco Bell since it was next to the first concert site I was visiting. First concert was some guy with a drum machine. He was fine, not much of a crowd, because techno noise isn't a big draw I guess. Next guy was some singer and he was backed by what I assume were tracks he made himself and I was not a fan. His friends were. Then since I had an hour to kill and it was hot, I went over to the library to read some papers.

After that I headed over to the park for the next set of concerts (8 bands from 3-9, with 15 minute breaks between them). On the way I noticed the tire I patched the other day was starting to feel flat. Anyway, first band was a noise rock gig with just a bass and a drum like Lightning Bolt. Pretty fun stuff. Next band was an alternative/post-punk group. Was fine, with cringe lyrics. Then we got a garage band/classicish punk band which was really fun. This was followed by some one-man band with a guitar, singing to what I assume is backing tracks he recorded in studio. He used a lot of echo on his vocals which is an interesting choice when you're shouting. Then we got another punk band (a high energy and less garage sounding one), followed by an art student indie band (I like them more live than their studio recordings), a post-hardcore band (of the 2000s sort, so metalcore influenced) and finally another harder side of alternative band. Post-hardcore band had a mosh pit but I was too tired to join in. At this point the sun was setting and that looked nice over the lake with all the haze from poor air quality.

Then I walked around downtown until I found a pump to fill my tire and rode home. Ate dinner and worked on this. I'm really tired so I'll be going to bed soon. I did not finish my D&D application survey so I guess I'll do that tomorrow.

Pre-Summer Day 15

 It's Her birthday, which I will note is a spring birthday and not a summer birthday. 

 Once again stayed in bed too long, but less long than yesterday. Well, at least tomorrow I have a reason to get out of bed (and maybe I'll get my pace below 10 minutes). Can't remember what I did in the morning. I waited around for a long time for the rain to either start or stop. Eventually around 3 I just went out and did the lake loop in the drizzle. Went to the climbing, was fairly successful (did not climb for very long. I went for hard rather than stamina). Went to my office. Graded some papers. Went to the Chinese restaurant for dinner (and lunch tomorrow, I didn't eat that much; low appetite dll). Finished grading. Recorded a version of the first verse of fishing for birds so that I have the melody saved (apparently I was singing in C which is really convenient since that what the rest of the song was in). Next step is to get the music together, especially the melodic synth. What I have right now is too chaotic and doesn't fit together well. Then I'll put all the voices together, add in some drums and fill out the space with pads and the like. Should be good.

Obviously still pretty unmotivated, anhedonic whatever is the norm. I think I woke up early too but I can't remember. Definitely felt more bad this evening than I have for a few days. Just a low key, non-specific bad. Rest of the day was less bad, though certainly not great. Daytime sleepiness maybe but I haven't given in. At least I don't think I did. 

New Sparklehorse album was announced today which is pretty impressive considering he's been dead for 13 years. I quite liked the single released with the announcement. Oh and the new Kaisers Orchestra song should be coming out soon (or did it last week? It might've been 6/10, not 6/16). And I just learned that The Dead Milkman released a new album last week. And I learned the Front Bottoms are coming to a nearby city in September so that's pretty tempting even though tickets are a bit expensive ($35 before fees). So yeah, a good day for music.

Pre-Summer Day 1

After going to bed around 11:30, I woke up around 2ish. Thrashed around and eventually fell back asleep. Such is depression. At least I wasn't too stressed about it. Woke up for real around 8:30. Had a lot of trouble getting out of bed. I just didn't want to do anything. I cried a bit. I think I eventually pulled myself out by 10ish? Showered and eventually made it downstairs to eat lunch before going to the office, supposedly to work.

Biked slowly to the office (it was a nice, if too hot day). I didn't do any work. I did figure out which therapist is probably the best choice but I didn't call up the office. At some point I was just listening to music with my head buried in my arms on my desk. Eventually I decided I would just go home, so I slowly biked home (it was hot).

I curled up on my bed, falling in and out of half sleep. Not because I was tired but because I didn't want to do anything. Couldn't pull myself to do anything. Eventually I was able to reheat some dinner even if I didn't really want to eat. Had a zoom call about work (the other boss, not the one I've been waiting to get an assignment from). Sat around some more. Made some grilled cheese, not because I was hungry but because I knew I needed more calories. Eventually got around to writing this.

I've been listening to AJJ (shame they chickened out and changed their name)'s new album. It's good but I definitely prefer the rawness of their earlier stuff. Maybe because I'm still a nihilistic, misanthropic teenager at heart. When I decided to go home, I was hoping I'd have the energy to play the bass, maybe start a new song (Press Gang Redux) but of course I didn't. I didn't have the energy for anything. Just like how I didn't write about the 3 main ways I experience depression and how I've learned to deal with them. Even though I wanted to write about that.

I'm feeling better than earlier, in that I'm not feeling anything at all. I'm tired, despite all that sleep. I feel empty, but not particularly sad at the moment. I just have no motivation to do anything. I'm sure tomorrow I'll also feel bad and will likely continue to feel so until it just fades one day. But I have some events scheduled at least.

My sunburn really doesn't feel as bad as it could either. 

Counting Sheeple

Well another song under my belt. Fishing for Birds is almost done and I can move onto my next project.

Counting Sheeple has a long history. I have a facebook post from May 2011 that mentions trying to mix Power Electronics and Pop, so I've had the idea for that joke for at least that long. I think the GarageBand file originates from a similar date (but I don't trust that since it says all my songs are from that date). The notes file says that I started the lyrics in October 2017, but I think that might have been a new file  (especially since I reposted the status in like May 2017) after copying old lyrics from my ipod, so the absolute start date could've been a year earlier, while I was in Ethiopia. 

I had the lyrics done for a long time but it wasn't until recently that I actually committed to them, with some rearrangement of the verses to make the story flow better. They're clunky. The meter sort of works but the stress is all wrong (and the meter didn't work well with many melodies anyway). They're cringe. I'm bearing my heart in the worst of post-adolescent "poetry".

Counting Sheeple is part of my autobiographical trilogy on this album, along with Indian Summer Love and Fishing for Birds (Liminoid Abyss fits there too, but it was an impulse song and kind of different than these other three). In a way, it's the twin of Indian Summer Love and not just because of the bad pun (suck it Origami Angel! I've been pulling this since y'all were in middle school. Maybe, since I don't know their actual ages). Indian Summer Love was me processing the grief of a breakup, by focusing on my bad feelings. On how I felt betrayed, not just by Her but by myself. It's a song about self loathing and how relationships can make you feel bad. Counting Sheeple is also a way of grieving that relationship, by remembering that it really wasn't all that bad. That We did love and care for each other.

Counting Sheeple is about the summer of 2014, which was an important time for me. Each verse is based on a real story, a vignette of my life. Most of the moments weren't even that important, I doubt She remembers many of them at all. Just little memories that brought me joy (and even though I'm long over that relationship, still can bring a smile to my face). Even the conspiracy theme comes from the fact that Our relationship was sort of secret. It was Our conspiracy. Plus the idea of two people being involved in some sort of massive conspiracy but not focusing on it at all was funny to me, so I ran with it.

I couldn't figure out a good melody. This is always my problem, which is part of why I tend towards spoken word or rap or shouted vocals. I eventually decided that a good melody didn't matter that much. It's a power electronics song after all. The pop part comes from the lyrical content and the fact that there is an order to all my different synths. It's not just a wall of noise. There's a certain prettiness to it, even if it's 90% ugly.

I designed the lead, bass and "siren" a long time ago. It was only recently that I added in the pad, mostly for more fuzz and static. I'm pretty happy with how they all turned out, noisewise. As I said to my brother, I was really pushing GarageBand to its noise production limits. I made the bass too low. It's so sub-bass that I don't even think a massive subwoofer can produce much outside the chorus. That's what I get for not thinking about frequencies. It's so noisy though through the overtones (is that the right word?) so it's not like the bass is useless. It probably just isn't as felt and overpowering as I wanted it to be on a physical level. The initial chord progression I had on the lead was cool, I sort of messed it up when I had to extend the length of my verses. But it's power electronics, so that's sort of the point? The siren was whatever. Probably could have made it better, but it did fill out the upper range of the spectrum which is good. 

I pushed the vocals too far to the front (though I didn't brick the song, lol). Probably too understandable at this point for something so cringey and amelodic. I like the sound design on the vocals. Lots of feedback and static and noise, but not so much to make them totally ununderstandable. With a better singer and an actual melody the vocals might have turned out really well.

Really happy about the bridge. I counted (up to 29) and completely distorted the vocals to make something almost rhythmic and so so heavy. I then through in some super processed drums to add an extra punch. Originally it was a loop but I decided against that. Part of the no rhythms part of the song. 

Counting Sheeple is about a Jacob long gone. It's an artifact. But it's an artifact that I'm glad to have dug up, cleaned up and put on display. I'm glad to open up, in a way. To no one in particular (and in a very Jacobian, very obscure way) but more open nonetheless. Indian Summer Love is a lot more open with what it is about and why I felt that way. But this, this is good too. 

Resting Day 7

 Woke up a bit early, but I had my window open so that may have played a role. Snoozed my alarm a couple of times and then took a shower. Slowly packed up and off to the climbing gym. Climbed for a bit and then went to my office. At my office, I was waiting for my coworker to leave so I could do some recording. While waiting, I refreshed myself on what power electronics can be like and read some random things. Eventually my office mate left and I got to work. 

First, I readded my "siren" and then put in a distorted midrange pad to give it some extra static. I also worked on the sound design of the vocals. I couldn't figure out my melody though, so I eventually just sang something and got all the words recorded. I still need to figure out musically what I want to do in the chorus. I'll probably move the bass up and into a zone where you don't need a subwoofer and can actually here some movement. Then I'll do a more melodic bass thing. Combine that with a distorted music box maybe as my lead. That will give the chorus a significantly different feel while also being a bit poppier than the rest of the song. 

I'm most proud of the bridge/breakdown section. I'll need to mess around with the bass some more there too, but I do some fun things with hyper distorted vocals (you can't even tell I'm counting) and a distorted drum beat (right now it repeats itself too frequently, which is more rhythm than I want, so I'll be changing that up a bit too). Hopefully with a bit of work and maybe some rerecorded vocals, I'll be able to hit my self-imposed deadline. 

A number of students emailed complaining about their grades. Like, I left good comments on why I gave them the scores they did and the professor has backed me up each time, so I don't know why they bother. Substandard work is substandard. Anyway, I'm stuck meeting with one tomorrow to see if they can argue any higher points but I was already really generous compared to the rubric so I'm not sure what more they can do.

Felt fine today and did force myself to be slightly productive. So that's good. I'd rather feel happy than fine, but maybe that's the problem. Who knows. Not me.

Spring Day 47

Got up (late, I was planning on working on my slides in the morning but my phone died and I didn't realize that until after I woke up since I wake up too early every day). Decided to not go climbing (my membership runs out soon anyway and I need to call and see if they're doing a student summer deal again. Went to a professor's wedding shower that the department was holding. That was nice. Food was good and it meant I did most of my work socialization for the day. Finished my presentation, sat through 3 hours of presentations and then did mine. It was pretty bad but I don't really care.

Rushed over to the park so I could make a 20 minute appearance at the department picnic before meeting up with people from church to go to dinner and a blues concert. Did my rounds, had a root beer and some (real indonesian!) satay and then off I went to the church. Could've stayed a bit longer since everyone else was late, but that's beside the point. We went to a Laotian restaurant which we thought was next door to the venue but actually was attached to the venue (which was really convenient for us since we could eat during the show). Listened to the music and eventually got up and danced (poorly, but energetically). Carpooled back to the church and rode home in the drizzle, which was actually pretty nice.

I'm really glad that I went to the concert. I wasn't sure when I decided to commit to it but it was really fun. Plus I got to get to know better some people that I only sort of know and some that I barely know. Sure I didn't know any of the songs so singing along was a bit hard and we were by far the youngest group there but hey, don't need that to cut up the dance floor. Which I did because why not. Also we might do karaoke night, so hopefully that goes somewhere because I love karaoke.

I think all the socializing today has mostly kept the dysthymia at bay. Probably because it was mostly low key and with lots of escape points, which are. Plus I like music (the word is now out that I have made music in the past, so I'll let that rumor spread for a while and see if anyone finds it. Not that it's hidden) and that's a distraction from all the people when I need it. So I still feel decent even now. We'll see how tomorrow goes.    

Also, it is Kierkegaard Day. So I changed my profile picture (as is tradition) and posted a cryptic "210" status. Which had one friend text me asking if I got hacked and more worringly, has multiple likes. Why would anyone like a no context "210" is beyond me.