Spring Day 34

Got up at 5:30 to prepare to look for dead birds. Realized that sunrise wasn't even until 6 so I went back to bed for another 30 minutes. Got up (slowly) looked outside and saw it was snowing. So despite meaning to get to my site at like 6:30 it was closer to 7:40 when I finally got there (realizing that the snow wasn't going to stop). Realized I forgot my lock (was testing out my fixed bike, which still needs some adjustment on the derailleur because it's slipping a bit) so I took my bike all the way up to my office. First two buildings didn't have any dead birds, but just as I was about to finish surveying the third one, I found a dead yellow-bellied sapsucker. So I had to log that one out in the snow/freezing rain, which wasn't very fun and then drop it off at the freezer to confirm the identity. 

I was planning on climbing afterwards but that was before I realized I had no lock, so I just went home. Took a nap, ate lunch and then went to Goodwill to look for rings and handkerchiefs. Didn't find any I liked so I went home. Finished, tried on my ensemble to make sure it worked out and then took another nap while waiting for it to be time to go. 

Biked to the church (it was snowing again! just for a little bit though). Put on my costume and from then on out, I was ready for the murder mystery dinner. I spent the whole thing very in character, and since my character was an alcoholic, that meant I drank a lot of (food colored) lemonade. So so much, always had a glass with some liquid in my hand. It also meant that I was quite loud (the character was supposed to be a bit obnoxious anyway), slurred my speech a bit as the night went on, and stumbled more and more as the game progressed. Combine that with me very much playing up the "old money" aspect of the character and it was very fun. Forgot to do a mid Atlantic accent though. The mystery itself was a bit too easy, but I enjoy the improv aspect more. Same reason I like MUN really. Give me a character and a goal (in this case, my goal was be obnoxious but also very obviously not a suspect) and let me go wild, especially when everyone else is doing the same. So yeah really fun and I do think I was the life of the party. Didn't want to shoot myself when I got home either (did need to pee though. After peeing like three times at the church over the course of the night. Soooooo much lemonade). I need to do more improv activities. Or at least find more people interesting in a real roleplay heavy type of campaign. 

Well I'm tired and caught up. Might as well go to bed.

Spring Day 32

 Got up, lazed around a bit (I was tired on account of staying up way too late). Only after sending out my slides to the other TAs right at 8 though. Showered and then decided I'd finish fixing my bike. Which I did, since I got the crank extractor to work (my issue was not using a wrench for additional leverage), pulled off the other side, replaced them (the new ones fit to my bottom bracket!), put the bolts back in hopefully at the right torque and added the pedals. The pedals actually took way more work than I thought because I forgot that there's a difference between the threading on the left and right pedal. But once I got that right, it was pretty easy. Put my wheel on and at this point all I need to do is grease the chain and other basic maintenance. I'll see if it works as intended on Saturday.

Stopped at the thrift shop on my way to work. My goal was to find outrageous rings (unsuccessful), a silky cravat or scarf (unsuccessful but...) and a handkerchief (unsuccessful). I did however find a couple of shawls, including a quite nice pashmina one which one of my sisters has already claimed. So I grabbed three of those for a dollar (it was a pay per pound store). The two non-pashmina ones are pretty low quality and thin fabric but will work in a jiffy. My goal tomorrow is to cut the larger one and turn it into a cravat myself. It's not quite the right fabric but it is at least a good story to tell and it will have different patterns on each side. I can hand stitch it but that will take a long time, so I'm hoping to use one of the sewing machines at the campus art studio (free for students!) to speed up the process. I still need to make the pattern of course bit it is fairly simple and I'll at least do my initial cuts tonight (and see if the fabric completely falls apart on me, ruining the whole project). 

If that doesn't work out, the other not nice shawl I grabbed is less wide so I can turn it into a scarf of some sort without cutting. Won't work great but I've only had a couple days to get this figured out (and if it really doesn't work out, I can just use a tie, those were a thing in the 1920s. But it isn't as cool and eccentric).

Played games at English corner, taught my classes and then went home and did a zoom temple recommend interview. Glad that's over; I guess I'm going on the trip next Saturday. Regraded the one question everyone was upset at me about. I was right for about 2/3rds to 1/2 of the students (the rest I did grade wrong) but the other TAs were much more lenient so I ended up giving back most of the points I took away. Anyway, it didn't take too long since I just had to look at my old comments and see who I said needed more explanation. That's why I keep detailed notes (also to help my students). After doing that, I went and started to figure out how I'm making this cravat, which is when I remembered the on campus art studio exists. I really hope they let me bring my own fabric; I get why they are anal about outside materials but it shouldn't really matter for something like this. And then I wrote these. 

Tomorrow is a busy day and I really hope I'm not up till like 3 in the morning hand stitching this thing. Because my DIY pattern paper is bad enough and I don't need to add more trouble to this. 

Feeling fine. Maybe dipping slightly more down again, but certainly within the band that is "fine".

Spring Day 26

So I completely forgot to do this, mostly on account of coming home really tired and going right to sleep. But how did that happen.

Got up and went to the gym. Wasn't too busy and mostly worked on easier problems since I was planning on going climbing later on. Went to my class. Like 10 people showed up, so a lot more than my other sections. Typical for that section. Had a good discussion afterwards with one of the students about potential research topics. I like that. Went over to the main campus mall to try to snag free food but there were too many people so I just ate at my office. Worked on some things (can't remember what, it clearly wasn't important) and taught my last class. Chatted with my coworkers for a bit and went home.

Got home around 4:30 and started getting ready for our climbing trip out to a local state park about 40 minutes away. A cliff had collapsed late march and we wanted to see what the new rocks looked like. Left a bit after 5 and arrived around six. Luckily, the site was quite close to the parking lot. Very cool, I love good sandstone. Unfortunately, it will take a while to develop new problems, just because no one is sure how stable the rocks are and because it's all quite hard. I did a 20+ foot climb (rated V2 but honestly was more like V0, the holds were really good) which was exhilarating. Would've flashed it but was talked into . No pads were set up at the time, not that would've helped. Anyway, wandered around the rocks, spotted people and eventually we went to a more established boulder and tried some problems there. Sky was very pretty. Went home and basically collapsed on my bed. 

For training, I much prefer indoor climbing. I like the problems more, I train better and harder. I build more muscle and skill and so on. But I do like outdoor climbing because I enjoy spending time with people out in the woods. Or the desert or wherever. It's nice and a good excuse to do that. Even if I'm not really climbing all that much.

On Birds

One hobby that I didn't mention in "On Hobbies" is birdwatching. I love birds and I love watching them. But why? Well I think that's a story worth telling. 

Like many a child, I really liked dinosaurs. Had lots of dinosaur books, knew those dinosaur facts. Great stuff, dinosaurs are (my current favorite is Therizinosaurus, which I do not remember from my big books but is absolutely S tier). Back in those days, dinosaurs didn't have feathers. It was one of those things that might be talked about, hypothesized even but it surely wasn't a common depiction. I still remember listening to Science Friday (with Ira Flatow) on NPR one day while being picked up from elementary school and the discussion topic was the discovery of evidence that some dinosaurs had feathers. At least I think that's what this was about. I don't actually know if this memory is true, but that's memories for you.

Birds are dinosaurs, so that's pretty cool. Feathered ones too and feathers are pretty. I've liked birds for a long time. They're fun to look at; they're fun to watch. I've been blessed to live in places with some pretty cool birds, something I really didn't appreciate until much later. But even back then, I did like seeing papagaio in our trees. I appreciated the burrowing owls at the church even if they didn't appreciate me. It was never nice to be chased by the mean birds (quero-quero, it was only much later I learned their english name is the Southern Lapwing) but they were a part of my life too. Traveling outside the city, I'd occasionally see toucans and caracara, even rhea. Never going out my way to see birds but certainly enjoying them. I never really knew the birds of Indonesia, unfortunately. I saw some big bats though.

It was Ethiopia were I really got into birdwatching. My time in Ethiopia really sucked. I was isolated and trapped (even setting aside the whole "no leaving the city" rule imposed by the government). My job sucked (when I had a job). Was still getting over being dear john'd. Internet was intermittent at best. Like I said, not a great time in my life. But you know what Ethiopia has? Great birds. I loved seeing bee-eaters and sunbirds and even hawks outside the many many windows of that castle. Vultures waiting at the abattoir on the way to church. Mousebirds at the school (I think at least). So, so so many birds. 

In October, we went on vacation to South Africa, which was great. My brother and I decided we'd try to see (and identify) as many different birds as we could. South Africa was where I discovered the hoopoe (such a great bird), purple crested turacos (I spent so long trying to figure out what the beautiful bird with red wings was...we didn't have internet most of the time while in South Africa) and just a bunch of awesome birds. I was hooked.

I've done better since my Ethiopia days. I've done worse since my Ethiopia days. No matter how I am feeling, birdwatching has been an excuse to spend my time clearing my mind and forgetting myself. To be in nature. To appreciate what's around me, for as little or as long as it will be. Sometimes I go for the challenge of seeing something new. Recording what I see but usually...

I'm a bird appreciator. Many of my favorite bird moments haven't come from trying to find birds but simply being at the right place at the right time. Seeing my first loon on one of the lakes here. Coming across a snowy owl while riding home from the climbing gym. Seeing a kingfisher diving on my way home from work. Coming across a flock of eagles on the Provo river. Watching cranes dance. Getting divebombed by a hummingbird. Hearing the redwing blackbirds, a sign that winter is coming to an end and spring is nigh.

To me, birds are freedom. The fly where they want. The birds don't care about my problems; they got tons of their own. They're a reminder that as much as the world may be weighing me down, there's just so much more out there. Birds are the interplay of constancy and change. The birds are ouroboros. They may fly away for months at a time, but they'll be back. Maybe different birds, but they'll be back all the same. Things change, life grinds on but there will always be birds.  

Birds are inspiration. Their colors, their songs, their dances, their feathers. The birds aren't for us and yet they can drive us to do more. One Halloween (this year? I might have time) I'll start...and finish my superb bird-of-paradise + plague doctor costume. One day I'll get mix my synths right to be like a redwing black bird. Birds make me want to not just consume, but to create. To be more than I am right now.  

I love birds.

On Hobbies

The other thing I was thinking about while climbing and biking today was about why I have the hobbies I do. Which is a weird thing to think about, except when doing hobbies I guess. Which is what I was doing. Honestly "What hobbies do you have?" is one of the icebreaker questions I hate, which might more sense as this post evolves. I generally just mumble something about biking and climbing and then move on from the topic.

There's many reasons people have hobbies. To have fun. To meet people. Sure this applies to me too, to some extent. I do enjoy climbing and conlanging and writing and the like (not sure if I enjoy biking but I guess revealed preferences say I do. I prefer it to other forms of exercise at least). And I guess I meet people climbing and spend time with them. But is that really why I have the hobbies I do?

I have hobbies because I want to improve myself. I climb and bike and cross country ski because these are way. Climbing is strength training (for my forearms at least) in a much less boring way than lifting weights. Biking and skiing are more enjoyable cardio than running. I enjoy these and they (theoretically) make me healthier and stronger. Hopefully when I express in writing or music I find ways to work through those feelings and overcome them or at least get help. Creating a world requires me to understand the world and learn. Learn about things I might not otherwise. People ask why I know so much. I don't, I just read a lot (of wikipedia).

I have hobbies because I want a refuge of control in my life. I hate feeling like I don't have control over my own life. That's why I'm fiercely independent when it comes to transportation. It's not because I don't appreciate rides but I like having the freedom of movement for myself. Control for when I come and go. When my life is going bad, I sink myself into my hobbies (see: this past month) because at least I have some control there. A world I construct is one that I can guide into what I want it to be. I choose how long I travel and where I go. I choose what problems to work on. I choose what my instruments sound like and how they come together. I am an arranger, nay a creator in my own little space. Beyond returning to me a sense of control, my hobbies can also distract me from my thoughts. That's why this blog exists, basically. 2017, especially early 2017 was a really hard time for me so I buried myself in conlanging here and on reddit.

And yet, I have hobbies to explore the world and maybe even commune, for mere moments, with the divine. There's nothing like a quiet bike or ski trip to clear my head while enjoying nature. Or finding just the right words or right combination of sounds to sort of bring what's in my head into the world. Even something like conlanging has a discovery process. Things just click and feel right for what I'm working on. It's almost mystical in a sense, like I am uncovering esoteric knowledge rather than creating it. I remember one time on my mission, on a p-day or a little before bed (I don't remember) when it came to me that I could use reduplication for all sorts of things. It was a transcendental experience.

I have hobbies for myself and no one else. That's why I write about random topics on a blog no one reads. That's why I make music no one listens to (and I'd be kinda scared if people did listen to it). That's why I partake in the secret vice (truly the loneliest of hobbies, conlanging is). These hobbies work for me and I don't particularly like sharing them. I climb not to hang out with people, but because I like it for myself. I'll go on all sorts of ski trips or bike rides alone because they are for me. I play to no one and I like it that way. That's why I hate the hobby question (also because explaining conlanging is rarely worth the effort. "Oh you make languages? Why?").

I don't excel in many things. I'm a mediocre climber. I bike and ski slowly. My conlangs are far from award winning (though I should have gotten an award for being one of the better trolls on r/conlangs). My writing is sloppy. My music helped inspire a tumblr dedicated to bad music (one of my proudest moments, really). And I don't care because this is for me.