On Soulmates

The word probably least used to describe me is "sentimental". In fact, people pretty regularly tell me that I don't seem like a sentimental person in the least (most recently, I got this Friday). I agree with this assessment. So from that point of view, this is a weird topic for me to approach. 

But it is a topic nonetheless. I was on reddit a couple days ago, on a post where someone was asking for advice about an interreligious relationship. Somehow, one of the threads turned into a thing where the commenter discussed his experience meeting his "soulmate" and then why it was a good thing he broke up with her.

I do not believe in soulmates (and I don't think that commenter actually does either). But it did make me reflect on my own life and how, if soulmates do exist (they don't), I've already met Her. While it wasn't love at first sight, at least not for me, we definitely clicked in a way that I'd never experienced before. And never will again, most likely. I might be a chatty person, but it was a completely different level with her. Spending hours, so many hours just enjoying each other's company (and that's not even a euphemism). Repeatedly. I can pick up conversations pretty easily. But to speak with someone I hate(d) for 9 hours straight after literal years of no contact? And then do that again. And again? That requires a special connection. And even early on, we were able to just get each other, despite not knowing each other well and despite me being, I quote "absolutely not an easy person to try and get close to". We were on each others' wavelengths. It's weird to describe really because if you haven't felt something like it before, you won't know what I mean.    

And it's a damn good thing that We ended that relationship. Even if it took years and multiple tries before it stuck. Not just because of the religion problem. In the end, being that similar, that connected wouldn't have lead us to grow as we needed. But we probably would have managed to help each other self-destruct (and She definitely managed to bring out some of my worst traits). I don't want to be with my soulmate but with a partner. Someone I can progress with. Progress with her.

What really prompted this was that I felt the spirit pretty strongly while reading that comment. Telling me "hey this sure feels familiar doesn't it?" but also "you know it was a good thing you broke up". I shot off a peeved prayer because I was pretty annoyed by that, since I am well aware it was a good thing, have accepted that for a long time and am well over Her.

Well, I say I am over Her. I don't want to get with Her again, that's for sure. But maybe I'm judging all future relationships by too high of a bar, especially at the beginning. That's not the only reason for my lack of trying (thanks anxiety), but I guess it does act as an excuse. But I need to remember that I don't need a soulmate and that's the wrong standard to judge others. Maybe that's the lesson I was meant to learn.