Spring Day 11

Took me like 3 hours to get out of bed and shower, then another 2 to get to the office. Class was canceled today (and tomorrow) on account of the exam but we're supposed to hold office hours and grade, so I held office hours (and didn't grade because we don't have the exam rubric yet). Before that though, I stopped by the library to pick up Infinite Jest. I've been meaning to for a long time (I'm the sort of person that everyone probably thinks is a Wallace bro anyway) and finally committed. 

Went to McDonald's after my office hours to try the new bacon ranch mccrispy (not worth it) and then went climbing. Was there for a bit over an hour. Lots of people but not as many as I expected. Either made significant improvement on or sent a number of harder (for me) problems I've been projecting, which was nice. Went home (nearly got hit while crossing the street, in the crosswalk, while I had a cross signal and cussed out the driver for making a turn on a red light. I've done really well controlling my anger compared to when I was younger but biking is my one exception), read the first 50 or so pages of Infinite Jest (I like the style, it really hasn't been that difficult so far even if I have no idea what's going on). Copious notes are a thing I've liked in novels since a kid, which is part of why I've been wanting to read this book. Went to write this.

Definitely ate more calories than I normally do, probably around 2000. Sign of appetite coming back, stress eating, or my body telling me that I need more (my weight loss has mostly stabilized back to where I want it, around 1-2 lbs per week more or less)? I don't know. I really have no idea how I feel. I wasn't up to playing games today at English Corner (like I normally do Thursdays) but also I don't feel horrible? But I was also clearly avoiding people and doing my own thing. Lots of second guessing the self-diagnosis I made yesterday. That's what the appointment is for, I just want things to progress quickly if I am right. I finally want help. Question was on my mind again, but right now I'm feeling that even if the answer is yes (and I do want to know the answer still) I want to hold off asking the follow-ups until after I am more stable, if that truly is my problem. I do hope the answer is yes though.