On Hobbies

The other thing I was thinking about while climbing and biking today was about why I have the hobbies I do. Which is a weird thing to think about, except when doing hobbies I guess. Which is what I was doing. Honestly "What hobbies do you have?" is one of the icebreaker questions I hate, which might more sense as this post evolves. I generally just mumble something about biking and climbing and then move on from the topic.

There's many reasons people have hobbies. To have fun. To meet people. Sure this applies to me too, to some extent. I do enjoy climbing and conlanging and writing and the like (not sure if I enjoy biking but I guess revealed preferences say I do. I prefer it to other forms of exercise at least). And I guess I meet people climbing and spend time with them. But is that really why I have the hobbies I do?

I have hobbies because I want to improve myself. I climb and bike and cross country ski because these are way. Climbing is strength training (for my forearms at least) in a much less boring way than lifting weights. Biking and skiing are more enjoyable cardio than running. I enjoy these and they (theoretically) make me healthier and stronger. Hopefully when I express in writing or music I find ways to work through those feelings and overcome them or at least get help. Creating a world requires me to understand the world and learn. Learn about things I might not otherwise. People ask why I know so much. I don't, I just read a lot (of wikipedia).

I have hobbies because I want a refuge of control in my life. I hate feeling like I don't have control over my own life. That's why I'm fiercely independent when it comes to transportation. It's not because I don't appreciate rides but I like having the freedom of movement for myself. Control for when I come and go. When my life is going bad, I sink myself into my hobbies (see: this past month) because at least I have some control there. A world I construct is one that I can guide into what I want it to be. I choose how long I travel and where I go. I choose what problems to work on. I choose what my instruments sound like and how they come together. I am an arranger, nay a creator in my own little space. Beyond returning to me a sense of control, my hobbies can also distract me from my thoughts. That's why this blog exists, basically. 2017, especially early 2017 was a really hard time for me so I buried myself in conlanging here and on reddit.

And yet, I have hobbies to explore the world and maybe even commune, for mere moments, with the divine. There's nothing like a quiet bike or ski trip to clear my head while enjoying nature. Or finding just the right words or right combination of sounds to sort of bring what's in my head into the world. Even something like conlanging has a discovery process. Things just click and feel right for what I'm working on. It's almost mystical in a sense, like I am uncovering esoteric knowledge rather than creating it. I remember one time on my mission, on a p-day or a little before bed (I don't remember) when it came to me that I could use reduplication for all sorts of things. It was a transcendental experience.

I have hobbies for myself and no one else. That's why I write about random topics on a blog no one reads. That's why I make music no one listens to (and I'd be kinda scared if people did listen to it). That's why I partake in the secret vice (truly the loneliest of hobbies, conlanging is). These hobbies work for me and I don't particularly like sharing them. I climb not to hang out with people, but because I like it for myself. I'll go on all sorts of ski trips or bike rides alone because they are for me. I play to no one and I like it that way. That's why I hate the hobby question (also because explaining conlanging is rarely worth the effort. "Oh you make languages? Why?").

I don't excel in many things. I'm a mediocre climber. I bike and ski slowly. My conlangs are far from award winning (though I should have gotten an award for being one of the better trolls on r/conlangs). My writing is sloppy. My music helped inspire a tumblr dedicated to bad music (one of my proudest moments, really). And I don't care because this is for me.