A rude question

Doing "On Birds" tomorrow because that one is really dear to me and I might need the pick me up.

I have a coworker with less than stellar social skills. Even by the low standards of academia. One question he likes to ask is "Why aren't you married yet?" This of course is an incredibly rude question. But you know what, he's right in a way. There is a bit of deepness to it and I think it's worth answering. I'm 28, so I've been eligible for quite a while. I'm decently attractive, I'm funny and witty, I'm wickedly smart. I'm a good cook, fairly handy around the house, when I choose to care I do. I may not be rich, but I'm fairly well off given that I'm a grad student and I have a high earning potential (with or without a doctorate tbh). Without context (and especially knowing my religion) it is kind of hard to believe that I'm not married, or at least close to it. It practically begs the question of why. In no particular order (or maybe there is)

1. Timing. I spent half a decade thinking I had found the girl I would marry. Or maybe more accurately, I spent a couple years thinking that, finally got over myself and then as I was about to go back on the market, she came back into my life and the feelings came back for a bit. Since that relationship finally, definitively ended,  I graduated (and ended/barely started a relationship partially due to that), faffed around for a bit unemployed, moved twice, started grad school, went through some of the hardest and most time consuming classes in my life and well here I am. Oh and covid ruined any thoughts of dating right as I was gonna try and put myself out there again, maybe. There just hasn't been much time in the past 5 years and the when there was time, she came back. 
2. Opportunity. There just haven't been many women that have really caught my eye, yannow? Especially moving beyond the "small crush" stage. Definitely not ones that are also single and interested in me. At least that I'm aware of. And well, when an opportunity did come up, I was in a bad mindset and it didn't work out. And maybe I was too emotionally damaged at the time to move out of the crush stage and fall in love, maybe even in the best of circumstances it would've never worked. Shame it seems that nothing has worked out for her since, she's really the sweetest and deserves the best.
   
3. Anxiety. As all the regular readers of my blog (lol. lmao even) know, I have anxiety issues, especially when it comes to people I like. That makes getting up the courage to ask someone on a date very difficult. I feel like I need to know first. Which is the wrong way to do things, since the point of dating is that it is the information search. It's not the end goal. It's also why both significant relationships mentioned above were ultimately started by the women (the first I started liking during the pursuit as I got to know her; the second I had known for a while and liked a bit for a while but it wasn't until like a year later when she realized she liked me), because I suck and rarely make the first move even when I'm pretty sure. I am working on this. Or at least wanting to, but it's really hard to overcome.   
   
4. Self-esteem. I don't really hate myself anymore but for the longest time I did. And I projected that onto everyone else. If I couldn't love myself, why would anyone else? Like I said I'm much better now, even when depressed, but I still feel like I suck at dating. And it can still be hard at times to remember that yes, I am pretty cool (or at least alright).
   

These aren't necessarily good reasons but they do cover a lot of why I am where I am today (not literally, that was covered previously). I do hope I can get over myself sooner than later, but these things take time and 28 isn't that old, all things considered. There's still plenty of time yet.

Realized the wording above kinda sounds oddly bisexual. Sorry men but I don't lean that way, much to the disappoint of an oddly large number of people.