Woke up at 6, but didn't manage to pull myself out of bed until about 6:30. Took some caffeine to stay awake. By about 7:00 I finally started my assignment. Scrounged up a 2.5 page draft that is not very good and sent it out by 8:40 and then headed off to class. Class itself was pretty good, I don't enjoy literature reviews but I do enjoy writing and the class. Took a long lunch, chatted with friends for a long time. Was talkative, loud and obnoxious as normal. Went home, laid in bed for a while (with a short nap) and started reading about mental health stuff again. Spent hours like that, then ate a small dinner and eventually got around to writing my diary entry for yesterday, finished my post on admonishments and then wrote then. Have been very distracted by my discovery/eureka moment though. And also just because I'm an easily distractible person in general. The question hasn't been on my mind as much recently (though it's still there), I guess I have a new obsession for the time being. I don't exactly want an answer until I get some of these other things cleared up anyway, in retrospect some of my worry was probably because of my illness.
I forgot to mention that yesterday I set up an appointment to get screened for an eventual appointment with a shrink. So I'm really looking forward to that on Tuesday, which is different than the last time I went to a psychologist (in summer 2018). Maybe because I think I might have figured out what my problem is (bipolar II disorder-rapid cycling) and I know that this is something treatable, even if it will probably take a while to get that in order.
I'm really glad that I decided to document everyday for the past few weeks because I was fretting about not being able to prove a hypomaniac episode of 4+ days (proving a major depressive episode is much easier, I have years worth of documentation for that) until I started looking back at my posts. I wrote a whole random song on Saturday, after being irritated in the morning and taking an ill-advised spontaneous bike ride (not to mention sending out friend requests for the first time in years on FB)! I was unusually outgoing and talkative on Sunday. I actually set up a social activity for Monday (that actually wasn't mentioned in the diary post but I have receipts for it) and took an objectively bad event (double flats) rather well. I mention how good (and daydreamy) I was on Tuesday before a very obvious emotional crash. We'll see what the doctor says obviously but I think I'll be able to make a case to not start with standard antidepression treatments.
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