I woke up in the middle of the night. Again. Took a while to fall asleep (though I wasn't stressed about that). In the morning though, I realized what's starting to happen. But more on that later.
Got to work fairly early with the intent to grade. Did not grade. Played Avalon with the English corner. Got assassinated but that's okay, I wasn't Merlin so we won. Taught my classes. Sat around on reddit, a lot. Being unproductive. Didn't leave my office till like 10:45. Being unproductive. Saw the beaver on my way home, so I have yet another blurry photograph of it. One day!
It's clear that I'm entering a dysthymic state again. Right about when I expected, late April. No obvious trigger (which there shouldn't be, I spent too much time focusing on those and barked up too many wrong trees). Waking up in the middle of the night is one of the symptoms, it will probably switch to terminal insomnia soon. I've been a lot more agitated as well (pacing and the like) and unable to concentrate on anything of value. Trying to grade today was much different than other days (and more akin to spring break, except even less so). I guess I'm learning the signs, which is a good thing? We'll see if working on my presentations and proposal triggers anything worse. I guess it really is time to get a hold of a therapist. Or a psychiatrist really. Can't keep putting that off.
I'll admit, I do question the value of therapy. I know the basics of it, I know this will pass. I know that I'm fine, people don't hate me and I don't really hate myself. I don't need someone else to tell me that. I need medicine to keep me happy or more likely to keep my moods in balance in the first place.
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