On patience

I am a patient boy

I wait I wait I wait I wait

I wasn't always so patient. I'd get frustrated and angry (I mean I still do). I never wanted to wait. I learned patience (and longsuffering) in many ways. The mission was a big one. Being forced to repeatedly be with people I couldn't stand, all day every day. Things not working out, repeatedly, all day every day. Enduring to the end (of 2 years). 

My life plan not working out. Coming to terms that We couldn't be together. That it was okay to do things slower than my peers. School, careers, relationships, marriage. 

Learning to cope. To just leave situations that were irritating me, making me angry. Taking walks or bike rides to be alone. Learning how to calm down. Realizing that I didn't want to be angry and yell all the time.

I am a patient boy

My time is like water down a drain

Everybody's moving, everybody's moving

Everybody's moving, moving, moving, moving

Please don't leave me to remain

In the waiting room

And yet like all virtues, being too patient isn't a good thing. Just because I shouldn't rush into things because that's what my peers are doing, doesn't mean I shouldn't do those things. I can't just wait for what I want to fall into my lap, even though I've been weirdly successful in the past. 

I only have so much time and it's one thing I can never get back. Even with an eternity, it is a precious resource. Life is short, biological clocks are shorter. 

Please don't leave me to remain, in the waiting room

But I don't sit idly by
I'm planning a big surprise
I'm gonna fight for what I wanna be
And I won't make the same mistakes ('cause I know)
Because I know how much time that wastes (and function)
Function is the key

It's time to move on. To take things into my own hands. I've been sitting idly by for too long. I might not have a big surprise but it is time to fight (myself) to be who I want to be. I'll make new mistakes but hopefully not waste time, waiting. Being patient.   

(Yeah I know this song is probably about being in jail but let me have my moment).