Still bummed out (honestly more bummed out than yesterday) but I think I'm starting to finally recover. Didn't even consider the Foreign Legion this time.
Woke up before my alarm because of course I did (luckily not too much earlier, I think I still did sleep in a bit). Eventually got out of bed and showered and wrote about patience. Then I messed around on the bass for a while. Worked on some of the songs I like. Around 1ish I finally left my room to eat a quick lunch and then I prepared for our event in the park.
It's like an hour bike ride there and was very hot. And I got rained on. But I made it. Played a bit of volleyball and as I was taking a break there was a(n unexpected) family call so I was on that while cutting pineapple. Then I played some other games and I was just getting stressed by all the people and of course being upset (despite swearing otherwise) so I eventually made up an excuse that I was going to check out a nearby store. Store was closed but that quick bike ride worked and it did calm me down quite a bit. Played kubb and spikeball and was a bit more sociable.
Went home (slowly and took the long way). Did some noise rock on the bass, workshopping Fishing for Birds. The last two verses are probably going to be a noise rock/emo remix of the earlier verses (coming after the rap bridge...it is a pop song after all), since they're about love and stuff and I that really brings out the bitterness in me. The bitterness I need for that song.
Went over to the park to watch more fireworks. Lots of weaving through cars, it's great to be a cyclist. I recorded lots of the fireworks' booms and crackles with the hope to maybe sample some of them. They might work well for Doctrines of Annihilation (which I want to get progressively glitchier as the song progresses) and I think the crackly fireworks my make for a good shaker-type effect for Pits. Going home I was still pretty upset and of course upset with myself for feeling upset when I promised I wouldn't be.
Got home, messed around on the wall a bit, wrote out my feelings in the secret diary and you know those made me feel better. I'm not too upset right now. It's valid to feel this way, even if it was just a crush and I wasn't even rejected (technically). I also set my mutual to the whole USA and started swiping a bit. No great pickings yet but you know, that's okay. I'm just dipping my toes back in and seeing what happens. Trying to show I can do it. I'm listening to a best of compilation of mxmtoons right now (because my musical taste is half midwest emo/math rock/old school post hardcore and half waifish indie singer-song writers) and the song the idea of you hit home. But like, it didn't trigger anything bad. More like "yeah I'm pretty dumb and that's okay" and "wow this is so relatable".
Going running in the morning. And I have a bunch of meetings. And maybe a pool party. And just a lot of stuff going on. Maybe I'll get some work done on Fishing for Birds and really get that bedroom pop vibe I'm looking for. (Would you look at that, the sideline is super relatable too. Not making a move because you don't want to ruin a friendship (and also fear rejection)).
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