New Years Eve 2023

And so the year ends as it began, depressed in a relative's house I don't particularly want to be at. On the bright side, I feel like this is the most depressed I've been since June, so I guess the medicine has been working even if I often feel like its not (and I think this episode should pass pretty quickly. The more minor episode in like October/early November did). In retrospect, I should've caught this sooner, but I guess I didn't notice my declining interest/motivation in everything because it's the holidays and I passed my proposal defense so I was allowed a few weeks off.

Despite the similarity of circumstances, I'm facing in a very different direction than I was last year. I actually made good on a number of resolutions I made in despair at the beginning of the year. I'm one major step closer to finishing my degree (still like 2 years to go though). I was a lot more social and I'm glad for it. I went off and did things I wanted to do, rather than trying to be what I thought other people wanted me to be. And most importantly, I got help both spiritually and emotionally. It was a good year, overall, even if there were a lot of times it really didn't feel that way. 

From here, what will I do? Well, I need to finish Fishing for Birds. I need to write some grants. I need to start heavy duty data analysis and submit something to IRB. But this blog isn't about work (except when it is). 2024 is the year when I really need to start putting myself back on the meat market again. I know I said that at the beginning of this year and to a small extent I did. I made important steps (including actually going on a couple dates in Jakarta just to see if I could. I hate the getting to know each other stage) even if I didn't start any relationships. Despite the question technically being open again, I don't feel that's the right path to follow but I'll figure something out. So there's one big goal for this upcoming year, along with everything else I need to do. Another of course is staying on the healthier path I've been going down. 

Oh and I need to post my damn photos from my trip so that people stop asking about them

Quick Update

So yeah, I haven't kept of with this. I've been busy working, busy preparing for my trip and busy running and camping, among other things. I'll talk a bit about this past weekend though.

We leave for Michigan Thursday afternoon and get to the campsite well after dark. Don't even bother setting up tents and just sleep on tarps under the stars. We get registered around 6 in the morning with our first runner off at 6:30. After that we decorated our car and figured out how everything was working. My first run went well. It was 6 miles and I did it at around a 8:47 pace (more or less. My timer gave 8:49 but I got held up near the beginning by cars), which is possibly my best pace ever for that distance. I also passed 3 people during it, which felt great. My second leg was supposed to be 3.2 miles but I picked up the ghost runner's 3.1 mile leg to do a 6.3 mile run. My pace then was somewhere between 9:07-9:12 which is pretty normal for my 10k. Need to get that down a bit, I think 8:30 is my next goal. Passed one person and got passed by another. My final leg was 7.6 miles and started strong. I kept about a 9 minute pace on the flat section but after about 4 miles I was getting noticeably slower. And the hills were very tiring. My final pace ended up being about 9:44. I did get 5 kills thanks to that fast start and only 1 death. 

All along the way I got to see many cool sites and parks. Michigan (at least western/northern Michigan) is really pretty this time of year. Saw lots of sand dunes and beaches and the like. After the race, I went up to the UP with some of the other runners and we camped for a couple days. Actually had near perfect conditions to see the northern lights...except that it was rainy and cloudy when the solar storm hit. Oh well. It was a really fun trip; I hiked a lot and got to know these people better (though I already knew them well, we camp a lot). 

Anyway, I gotta get going. After packing my bags (almost 30 pounds, though a decent portion of that is snacks or things I'll send once I get to Jakarta. My actual clothing is like 7 or 8 pounds) I think I'm ready for this next adventure. And if I'm not, well oh well.

Tuesday thru Friday in Mid September

It's not even that I've been busy, it's that I'm lazy.

Uhh key things from the past few days? DnD went well, though the party took longer to do things, I kept getting screwed by the dice rolls (and having to improvise things on the spot...they ended up meeting a myconid village and destroying a lich's phylactery because of that...probably should figure out how to incorporate said Lich into the campaign) so I had to rush the actual plot point I wanted to do. At least the foundations are in place for the sea dungeon I've been planning for a while. I've gotten some new records. Backed some kickstarters (okay just like one new one). I've been avoiding work a bit too much. I met an Indonesian economist and an Indonesian who works here on campus. I've not gotten the car's new plates. I've been thinking a lot about my place in the universe? I still need to find those Flores guide books and finish planning that part of the trip. 

Oh and running. The race is next week and my runs this week have turned out good. Conditions have been quite nice, but I did a 5k with a 7:53-8:00 pace (depending on how you count waiting for cars at intersections) which was my summer goal. Felt like dying but I should be able to do my 3.5 mile leg at an 8:30 pace. And today I took my night running equipment out for a spin on the 8.756 mile loop, which I did in just under 80 minutes, meaning my pace was somewhere between 9:04 and 9:07. Most impressive is that the second half of the loop was only a tad slower (maybe 20 seconds) than the first half, so I kept that pace very consistently. Left me exhausted, unsurprisingly, but not necessarily dead like the 5k did. Anyway, my pace goal for the long legs is 9:30 which should be pretty sustainable seeing that I did a longer distance than either of them much faster than that. Now to review my legs and set up playlists to help me pace. 

Yeah that's me right now. I should go to bed.

Ahh I'm so late

Between a terrible sleep schedule (basically all my fault), internet problems and other such things, I've been not keeping a diary well. So here's just the important things in no particular order.

DnD was like 90% improv and now the Empire and the Merchants' Guild hate our adventurers. 

We had an office potluck on Friday which I was sort of in charge of and in the end it went well (even if there were way more people than expected). I made misir wat for it, which turned out amazingly. As part of that, I made my own niter kibbeh and berbere, got a spice grinder (since I have so many whole spices now). I also made timatim for the ward potluck, which I called "Ethiopian Salsa" because that's how I roll.

It's cooled down a lot, which is nice. I've still been doing some running and also some very fast biking to work on cardio/endurance. In fact, I did a ride the other day to a game night where I average like 4:10 per mile (and that's with stops). Maps said plan for 45 minutes and I did it in like 33. Legs have been assigned for Ragnar and I'll be doing the last shift (which is like the 3rd longest/hardest). 17.5 miles. Then I'm gonna go camping with the other grad students on the trip up in the UP. Get home Tuesday and then basically go right into prepping for my trip, since I leave that Thursday. 

Speaking of my trip, I've gotten my flights mostly figured out and a couple different hostels booked. I still need to contact the place in Tentena for more information about transport (and booking a guide for Lore Lindu), figure out Tanah Toraja (but finding a hostel should be pretty easy) and basically figure out all my bus/housing issues in Flores. Also find a place for my suitcase in Jakarta. I'm still mostly winging this trip, which should be exciting and also very stressful (in a good way). Finally, Walgreens has been really slow at filling my vaccine order but when I called today the robot said it should be ready by tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, I need to get up early to do laundry, finish up dishes and do some work before going to lunch and then coming back to finish planning our session (it's exploration but I also want to use it to forward one of my plot threads). So a busy day, especially since I'm behind on work and need to get a presentation ready by next Monday (though the full presentation isn't needed for another two weeks).

Finally, the other big events of the past week. On Friday, an investigator (this one) texted me asking if I'd say the closing prayer at his baptism. After the baptism he sent out a very nice text to everyone who participated saying that he invited us to be part of the ceremony because we were all important in his faith journey. Then I woke up the next day to a text from the missionaries saying that he wanted me to confirm him. Which was a huge honor (and I even ironed a shirt and wore a suit coat for it) but very scary. Unlike basically every other blessing, this one is public and that makes me very self conscious. But I did it and while it was a bit of a struggle at first, by the end words that felt right were flowing out. So I hope he appreciated it. Anyway, that was the last Sunday that Bishop is bishop (next week is stake conference and the week after that he's being released) and since I will be gone until the end of October (due to camping after the race) I really need to reach out and thank him for being a great bishop. 

Two final things. After the baptism I was talking with people and the concert we were all planning to go to was cancelled. Which somehow turned into a discussion of karaoke and me hosting karaoke night...that night. Which I did. I had a two computer set up (one connected to the tv and one for adding songs to the playlist) and it was a lot of fun. I even got to hook up my computer to my new speakers (after a bit of struggle). And today, while heading home, I saw a kingfisher. First it was flying and then it went into a tree and then it took off as I was trying to get a picture. I love kingfishers, too bad they are so hard to photograph. 

Last notes. Like I said, I've been sleeping pretty poorly. Well the sleep is fine, I've just been going to bed way too late and either getting up early or oversleeping. So not a great schedule. I do wonder if I'm (mildly) hypomanic right now or have been recently. That feeling of wanting to be productive and not sleep (though I feel tired in a way that I didn't get at say the camp out). Being really antsy/agitated. But not really euphoria or even irritation/anger (I think?). Nor am I anxious (maybe because I have nothing to be anxious about...ever since getting an answer to the question I've been avoiding thinking about those sorts of social situations). So who knows.

Labor Day and Pre-Fall Day 1

So for Labor Day I went out to a local state park to climb (in prep for the competition next week). It was good climbing and thanks to shade and a breeze (plus low humidity) it didn't feel nearly as hot as it could have. Still have a lot to get better at, but whatever. Also I need to sign up for the comp. Other than that, not much to say. My arms and legs got both banged up from climbing and very bitten by mosquitos (which has been annoying all of today).

As for today, I got up and had a fairly ordinary morning. Went to the library to return the charger but they were closed for meetings. Helped my sister's roommate and her dad move furniture up to their apartment. Chatted with people in the office, sent off some emails and then went home. Meant to work on DnD but instead slept. Then panicked, found some enemies for various different adventures but had no idea what adventure to run so I decided to leave that to the party. They chose the one I was least prepared for (especially enemy wise) so we had a very talky session where I ad-libbed a whole bunch of stuff. It was funny because it was probably the three least diplomatic characters trying to do this diplomacy heavy session without starting a fight with either of the factions they were running messages between. And after that I cleaned up and made it to here.

I've felt really tired this last while. Dunno why. It's not just lack of energy from doing too much, I think.

Dog Days 41 and 42

So Saturday. I overslept (or rather went back to sleep after my alarm, forgetting why I had an early alarm in the first place) but still managed to get to brunch on time (averaged a 12 mph and since it was cool in the morning, I barely broke a sweat). Brunch was nice. Apparently the place was owned by Albanian immigrants and I had an Albanian lamb sausage platter. Good to hang out with people. On my way home, I stopped at my sisters house since she wanted help finding Walmart. So we hooked up the bike rack to the car and took our bikes over to my house then went shopping. After Walmart we went to home depo for light bulbs. Returning home we put together my new record player (still working to get everything balanced right to stop skipping, also to get better sound quality) and I made some adjustments to her bike. Then we biked over to the capitol for a food festival. Wandered around with other people from the ward and ate lots of food. I got rendang (not spicy enough), some brisket (not juicy enough), a cheese donut (very good, make pick up the frozen version some time) and various other things. Got a ride back with my roommate and that was basically that. Oh, we hung out for a while longer before my sister went home. Stayed up too late (like 3).

I slept in today, which was fine because I wasn't running in the morning. Regular Sunday morning. Sacrament meeting went well. Sunday school was pretty boring. After church my sister and I went over to my place (after stopping at hers to pick up cash) and then with one of my roommates went over to another city to pick up a table/desk for her. Dropped it off at her house and then hung out at my place for a few hours. She went home, I made dinner and then did a run. It was very hot, but since the sun was already going down and the humidity was low, it honestly didn't feel too bad. I still sweated a lot though (I weighed in two pounds less than this morning and that was after drinking a bunch and eating dinner). The route was almost exactly 5 miles so I set a 45 minute timer. I took my 48 minutes (so a 9:37 or so pace) which was really disappointing. I know that the conditions were not ideal and this route is hillier than some of my other routes (also all I'd eaten was a burrito an hour before), but this is basically what I did last week except half as long and without the morning run or 20 miles of bike riding. Anyway, after showering I watched the last two episodes of the new superman tv show. I'm really liking this show, shame the season is only 10 episodes. They build the plot and characters well and I like where it is going. Then I accidentally took a very short nap and here I am. Except I keep getting distracted by cleaning (there's a leak in our basement that needs frequent cleanings when the ac runs heavy...like right now; also I think I finally unclogged our sink) which I don't like since bursts of semi productivity like this can be a sign of hypomania. Or maybe not. It's hard to tell. There would be something poetic about the traditional summer starting with extreme depression and ending with hypomania but I really hope that isn't the case. Why can't I get the happy hypomanias? (At least if this is a hypomania coming on, I'm not depressed so hopefully no mixed episode).

I have two potlucks this week. For my ward potluck I signed up to make a tomato mixture (we're trying out theming), so I'll make Timatim. With that in mind, I guess I'll do a wat for the office party, probably a misir wat. Keep the theming going.

Dog Days 40

I continue my descent into spending because I guess that's just what I am now (all I really have left to go though is my plane tickets from Jakarta to Palu, Malang to Jakarta, and when I get things more planned Labuan Bajo to Surabaya. Oh and lodging, which will probably run me another $300 or so over the course of the trip. Probably less honestly, hostels in Jakarta and Malang are cheap and I have free housing in Surabaya). Got a bunch of cheap records plus some other stuff for Bandcamp Friday. But enough about my bad habits...and it's not like I don't have a healthy investment account plus I'm earning like a net of $400+ more a month compared to the beginning of summer (2 roommates instead of 1 and also 10% pay bump). I'll probably still have some to put away post trip.

Anyway, got up and was lazy going running. Decided to do a 5k (well 3.2 miles) and see how fast I could do it. The goal was sub 8, so I set my timer for 25 minutes. Unfortunately I couldn't quite do it. I was like 30-45 seconds behind schedule by the time I hit the 1.2 miles to go point and only had like 3 minutes with half a mile remaining. Eventually completed the circuit in around 26:10 or 26:15, leading to a pace around 8:12/mile. So much better than last time (and more consistent) but still not quite as fast as I'd like. Basically collapsed for like an hour after that. Showered, ate lunch, went to my office. Did some work, read some stuff. Called Walgreens to get a price quote and an order for the typhoid vaccine, but they need a prescription first, so I emailed the travel clinic to hopefully get that done on like Tuesday. 

Checked out the local outdoors store since they were having a sale but they didn't have the dry bag I was looking for. Went home and mostly just read and thought about DnD stuff. Backed a kickstarter to get a pdf and softcover book from one producer I like and put myself on a list for another one. Pretty basic stuff. Realized I should probably do this. And that's about it.

I have a brunch in the morning tomorrow and then there's a food truck/stall festival in the afternoon/evening. So that's exciting. Busy day.

Dog Days 36, 37, 38 and 39

It's been cool but it's about to get hot again. Also summer is quickly shifting to fall (astronomically speaking). I've been busy but also lazy, mostly lazy.

Anyway, can't remember what I did Monday. Went to work, certainly. Oh, actually got an email asking if the tables were ready (they were not). Did some review for my advisor. That's about it in the morning. In the evening went with my sister to pull out FHE, which ended up being playing Smash Bros with the kids (who'd just gotten it for their birthday). Went out home and yeah, that seems about it.

Tuesday, I only went to work to meet with my advisor before he went back to Japan. So that went fine (I finally told him about my trip and he's going to help set up a meeting with potential collaborators and also we'll meet up in Tokyo). Oh I think Tuesday was the day I learned that my workstay would probably fall through (the profile was locked for some reason) and so I decided to go crazy with my newfound week. While not getting to see Lake Matano will be disappointing, I found that the Pelni ship from Makassar to Larantuka will be leaving on just the right day, so I have a chance to do a interisland boat trip like I've been wanting to do for years (this one is only 29 hours) and then visit Flores like I've also wanted to do for a long time. I'll take buses across the island, planning about 5 days for that. The highlight will be Kelimutu (since I won't have time to do Komodo justice and Labuan Bajo/Komodo is relatively easy to get to compared to the other cities I'm planning on visiting) but also just wandering all sorts of different towns and cultures (I need to find my hiking Flores book, not that I'll be doing many hikes). Anyway, it's time to get my tickets to Palu, the boat ticket to Larantuka and then contact the hotel in Tentena to figure out transportation and a guide to Lore Lindu/Bada Valley. So figuring out all of that was exciting.

After meeting my advisor, I went shopping to get food for Thursday. Then I went home and started prepping for DnD. I was homebrewing some enemies, which is new for me. Anyway, I was planning for 5 people (since that's who soft RSVP'd). We ended up having 8; two who didn't RSVP but I though might come and one who was a (welcome, to be clear) surprise. So I just doubled the enemies and cancelled the second/third fights. Was very chaotic, I knocked out a couple of the PCs and kept forgetting I had multiattacks and readied actions. Also forgot which enemies I was going to have target who, though that's more in character (they were all of average intelligence, despite being gnomish pirates). Anyway, it was fun (especially making an extensive backstory for a throwaway NPC because people kept asking questions) but a lot and I need to start enforcing the sign-up sheet. Oh and I broke yet another charger (this time it was my fault), so I had to rush to the library to borrow one. After a bit of debate, I decided I will get at least one more charger, so I can finish some Šyþed Pyklez songs and back up this computer in a windows readable way. Eventually I'll get a new Mac too.

Wednesday was very nice, chilly even. Got up at 7 for an 8 o'clock run, our final pace was like 9:40 despite taking it very easy. Hung out, showered, went to lunch and then went to donate blood (wasn't planning on it, but the rewards were good). Couldn't donate since my hemoglobin was still too low despite taking a 6 month break by this point. Might want to get that checked out. Anyway, that's my last chance till like February since I'll be on the travel deferment list after this trip. Played Catan (lost badly, the rolls just weren't in my favor despite good positions), waited around for institute. Looked at entry level record players just for fun. Learned that Labor Day sales were already in progress and decided to get a well reviewed player that came with speakers (that don't have to be used with the player) and vinyl recording capabilities (I also got the backpack I was wanting for 60 bucks cheaper than planned, I guess procrastination helped for once. And a bunch of other swag). I've been spending a lot of money, but like my investments are doing well enough, I'm making more than enough money to survive (even with all these extra expenses I'm still saving a bit every month) and why not treat myself? Half these purchases are long term investments anyway (backpack, travel towel, hiking sandals etc). 

Thursday I went into the office because I was supposed to make an appearance for new student orientation lunch. I also got an email from Exploding in Sound Records about bandcamp friday and how they're doing a 1-day only sale tomorrow on 6 different albums (6 bucks each). That's a great deal, I like the label and shipping is lower with a lot of albums, so I plan on getting 5 of them tomorrow (I already own the last one)...there's also a couple more albums I might as well buy tomorrow while it is bandcamp friday. After lunch I hung out a bit and then got the new department t-shirt (and sticker). Gotta wear that tomorrow. Went home and made bipimbap for the missionaries. I did manage to get that sweet taste on the meat and cooking the carrots and mushrooms in the meat sauce/fat was an excellent idea (I'm most happy about how the mushrooms turned out, they were delicious). Anyway, fed them (and my sister and both my roommates) and then my sister and I talked awhile about life and logistics (car insurance...should probably be in my name because I get better quotes being over 25, health insurance, money (she actually gets paid like $3 an hour more than me, though she also has to work more) etc). Then got around to doing this (and some dishes). 

Other things of note. I saw a green heron today. Wednesday was the Blue Supermoon and I got some cool pictures. It was very bright, which was good because my lights need new batteries. I've been getting a ton of page views on this blog all the sudden, due to webcrawlers finally finding it I think. Really crazy, I had like 4k views the other day, all from "other" referral urls, on linux computers in the United States. And yet I still can't find my blog on google. Tomorrow I'm checking out the record shop (just want info about when they're doing the listening party for Mitski's new album; probably not buying anything there since the two albums I want from them should be around for a while) and also the outdoor supply store right next to it for more swag (they sent an email the other day about labor day sales) and like an water resistant sack. Was gonna get my bag there but obviously that's not happening due to other great deals. Oh and I'm planning a fast 5k (well 3.2 miles really) in the morning. My hope is to run it 25 minutes, we'll see if I can actually do that, I barely made it in 27 minutes last time I did it. If so, that's a sub 8 pace and 8 is my 5k goal. I think that's everything?

Dog Days 35: Flock of Seagulls Edition

And I ran, ran so far away

Got up at 7, went over to the park to run with friends (3.2 mile bike ride). It was a nice day and we took it pretty slow, though I think our pace still ended up being under 10 minutes. 9:40-9:50 maybe? Went home (3.2 miles back), showered, ate and got ready for church. Since it was a nice day, I decided that I'd ride my bike to church (just over 6 miles and I must've been cruising because even with walking up the terrible hill it only took me just over 30 minutes). Church was fine and I decided that since it was a nice day I'd take the arboretum route back home. I don't feel like doing the math, but the total to and from church was 15.45, so I guess I tacked on an extra 3 miles and a bit or so. Arboretum was very pretty and I made it home quite fast, even with the extra miles. 

Sat around at home for a while and then after 6 it was time to run again (as part of the training I need to run multiple times in a day). I did the 8.5 mile route (which is actually 8.76 but I didn't measure till after the fact) and set my timer with a 10:00 pace in mind...so 85 minutes. Anyway, I made it to the halfway point in just under 40 minutes (the album I was listening to was 38 minutes long and did run out before I made it to the water fountain, but not by much. Also my timer said I had like 45 and some seconds to go), so like a 9:10 pace or something like that. Which is crazy and way faster than I was planning. I didn't even feel that bad. I took an exactly 1 minute water break and then started the return journey. I was a lot slower on the way back, ultimately taking about 43 and a bit minutes to get back. In all, it took me just under 83 minutes to do the 8.76 miles, or a 9:27.5 pace overall. Even adding in the water break only brings that up to a 9:35 pace. So not bad considering that by that point I'd already run 4ish miles and biked 21.85. Sure the conditions were close to ideal (cool, partially cloudy and while the route has hills, none of them are very steep or large) but I'm pretty confident that I can do the race at or under a 10 minute pace. In fact by the end of that run I felt like I could've definitely done at least another mile or two. I didn't feel like I was dying quite yet.

Got home, showered and then ate a whole box of mac and cheese (which basically just covered the evening run. My burrito for lunch plus yogurt for breakfast and a bagel in the afternoon, plus some candy hopefully covered the calories of the other activities...though I still would've burned a lot from just my resting metabolism) because I was starving. I weighed myself post run in the morning and the evening and the difference was 2.6 pounds, which is a lot of water weight to lose, especially since I drank like 10 oz immediately after getting home in the evening. After eating, I talked for a while with my roommate and basically just sat around because I'm tired and sore. Gonna go to bed soon, will be fun to see if I can get out of bed in the morning.

Dog Days 33 and 34

Well Friday was hot, today less so. Dog days are ending?

Anyway Friday I got up and fixed my flat tire. I then eventually ambled my way over to my office and hung out there a bit. Eventually I went over to my sisters apartment and prepared for the move. 'Twas nice to see her and my grandfather. Luckily she didn't have too much stuff and a friend from church came over to help carry the dressers up the stairs. Anyway after doing that, we got dinner at a Thai place and then got various stuff at Target. Hung out at her apartment a bit and then went home with my grandfather. Pulled up a mattress from the basement (actually wasn't too bad soloing it), talked a bit and went to bed. 

Saturday I got up and eventually we went over to my sister's place for more moving stuff. First we went to get bagels and not only were the bagels good but so were the lox sandwiches. Gotta keep that in mind. Then we returned the trailer, dropped my grandfather off at the airport and went to the bike shop to get a new inner tube and seat for my sister's bike. After that we went over to the zoo for a ward activity. It was a scavenger hunt and my randomly assigned group won (of course, because we ran around and were very competitive). Hung out longer and then went back to her house. After that, I went home. Was going to do pathfinder but it got cancelled last minute so I noodled around on the electric guitar instead. Oh yeah, my sister brought the spare electric guitar from Utah here. I actually got okay at "Miserlou" (used that to practice double picking) and "Pinkie Swear" (by far the best song on 52 Weeks). I also tried out "Never Meant" and can sort of do the main riff. My big problems over all is that I know no chords and tend to create harmonics. Then I went to my computer and got some cheap albums (basically all in the 0-2 dollar range, except one 8 buck electro jazz album because I need some variety in my life). I really want Prawn's Kingfisher as a vinyl because the art and the limited edition vinyls are so cool but they're out of print and seemingly expensive, so we'll see. Also I need to set up a shelf over the tv to actually display some of my vinyls.

Still feeling fine I think. Maybe a bit sleepy but that's my own fault. Is it the meds or the lack of stress (not that the lack of stress helped with the June episode. It's so easy to forget what feeling bad really feels like).

RS Greatest Emo Albums: 34-31

First album (#34) is Owls by Owls. So basically another Cap'n Jazz album. I really like Cap'n Jazz so I'm excited for this one (Algernon Calladweller is also in this post so a lot of Cap'n Jazz). So the first song ("What Whorse You Wrote Id On") could maybe be a bit more energetic but on the other hand I like the chill, almost islandy feel at the beginning. Really liking the start of "I Want the Quiet Moments of a Party Girl." The guitar is doing cool things (almost reminds me of Big Black or Shellac but less abrasive), there's a nice driving bass. Let's drive to Alaska indeed. Favorite song of the album so far, it's driving in a way that almost reminds me of something like Neu!'s "Hero" (but only sort of) and I like songs like that. Plus the weird ending. "Everyone Is My Friend" is even better. Tim Kinsella is finally putting some energy in his singing and the instrumentation is fun. Despite the big mood in the title "I Want the Blindingly Cute to Confide In Me" didn't really grab me at first. But it does start building up, which is cool. Are those bongos? The switch between the first and second halves of "Holy Fucking Ghost" was weird at first but I think it works well. Really liking the weird, offbeat (?) claps and the back vocals. "Later" (which is cheating because it's a Japan only bonus track) is pretty fun, all the parts of it except maybe the vocals (not that the vocals are bad, they're just the weakest part of this song). 

Overall, this album is pretty good but I miss the energy of Cap'n Jazz. And I get it. Cap' Jazz encapsulates that late teens spirit and now the members are young adults and so they are different. Still miss it though. The album feels a bit incoherent at times, like the different instruments aren't really communicating with each other but like not in a fun anarchic way. Vocals could be a bit more yelly or at least not so lethargic. Not my favorite Kinsella project, that's for sure. But like I said, still good and is probably the sort of thing that would grow on me with repeat listens.   

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The next album is The Medicine by The Jazz June, the video of which I was going to use apparently disappeared between when I loaded it up a couple days ago now. But I found a backup playlist. So let's go! The Jazz June is a band I had never heard of before starting this list, so that's going to be interesting.

The first song is "Viva La Speed Metal". It's interesting enough, there's some cool rhythms and changes going on."The Scars to Prove it" is such an emo title. I like the musical shifts in different parts of the song (as people following this series certainly know). I like how "Except" starts. And its riffs, especially near the end. "The Phone Works Both Ways" has a really fun bass line and the guitar starts doing some crazy stuff in the last third or so. The title track builds up well and I quite like the chorus (?) both lyrically and musically. "So I fucked up but I'm getting on with my life/it feels like there's a point to everything" so true homie, so true. The shift after that (well the first iteration of the chorus) to a different style is weird but I really like it. It builds up so well and the guitars just sound cool.

"At the Artist's Leisure, Pt. 2" also has a really good building start and just gets better when the bass comes in. The high pitched guitars in the middle are cool. The beginning is definitely the best part of this song. "Motorhead's Roadie" has a bass solo, or at least a cool bass. Nice and driving. The bridge (? the quite part in the middle) does the loud to quiet to loud nicely. This song does go on too long though, it just doesn't build up right to justify the length. There's a lot going on musically in "Get on the Bus" but I'm not sure it works. And now for a 10 minute song. Will it build right? "Balance" starts good. The riffs work together, are driving and it seems to be getting larger quite nicely. It gets a little lamer about of a third of the way in but quickly catches itself. The reverby and echoy vocals actually work well and I like the random piano and squealy guitars (synths?) in the middle. What is this bizarre sample? I'd say overall this is pretty good for a long song. Gets a bit self indulgent at parts but it stays mostly coherent (at least the first 8 minutes at least, the last two minutes feel more disconnected with the rest of the song though it's a fun crescendo in its own right) and there's some really cool sounds going over the driving bass which keeps everything together.   

Verdict: This album is fine but not my favorite. It has a problem with too much happening in any given song, and not in a fun way like The Brave Little Abacus. This distracts from both the songs themselves and their build-up crescendo that a lot of emo songs like these ones try to do. And I have no idea what's going on the lyrics, but again they aren't delivered in a way that makes that not matter like say Cap'n Jazz (or The Brave Little Abacus, but those lyrics are amazing. Then again, so are some of Cap'n Jazz's). It's not bad by any means and it certainly is emo, so credit due where credit is due. My favorite songs are probably "The Medicine" and "Balance". 

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Third album (#32) is Some Kind of Cadwallader by Algernon Cadwallader. Weirdly enough, I actually haven't listened to them (partially because of this but mostly because they just haven't shown up in my playlists for some reason...so this must not be true because I've apparently listened to all of Parrot Flies but I have no idea when and a youtube history search reveals nothing) so I'm fairly excited. Just gotta say that I love the album cover (and all their album covers really, though their self titled album/compilation is clearly a rip off of Fishing for Birds concept art). I kinda want to buy their vinyl just for that, but first I want to see if I like the album.

I like the way this one starts. Good twinkly guitars and screams/yells. No idea what he's saying though (looking at the lyrics, they're really aping the Cap'n Jazz nonesense). Great build up into a scream and then the end of the song. So yeah, "Casual Discussion in a Dome between Two Temples" is a banger. Great bass in the title track. The vocals in "The Stars" are really channeling Cap'n Jazz. Another good bass in "Horror" while the guitar goes off and does whatever it does. Also great opening line, being about a toilet and all. Wait is that a harmonica? Interesting. And it builds really well with the "ooohs" and everything,  before coming back down nicely. "Motivational Song" definitely hits its stride when it's just actual nonsense before the real quiet bridge (?), not that point isn't nice too. Love the feedback at the end.

...I just got the pun of "Yo Soy Milk". It's not just saying I am milk in bad Spanish, it's also soy milk. Anyway fun song but not much to say. Once again, a good bass. "On Up" is an exercise in stretching out words. Love the congas (?) and after the first line or two the instrumentation in general gets better...and weirder post slide whistle (?). "Katie's Conscience" feels a lot like Cap'n Jazz in its energy and just in general (hilariously, I read a Pitchfork review after listening to this album which pointed to this exact song as acing the Cap'n Jazz exam and getting extra credit). Great screams near the end. Awesome driving bass in "Serial Killer Status" even if it is simple. And now is time for a 13 minute closer in "In Response to Irresponsibility". It starts out good but lets see if it can justify itself. Three minutes in (just before the vocals) and the build up receded but there's like maracas and shakers so all is good. Plus the way the guitars come back in is great. I like the feedback that starts like halfway through the song. Okay like 8-9 minutes in gets really weird in a good way, with what sounds like tape loops or some other sort of manipulation. There's still a lot of song left so I wonder where it goes from here. Doesn't quite build back up but there's some good noise. Song still probably overstays its welcome.

Anyway this is probably my favorite album of this review (so far?). I saw the one comment on youtube that was like "Cap'n Jazz vocals with American Football guitars" and that's fairly accurate. The whole album has an energy level that I like. Is Cap'n Jazz better? Well none of the songs are as good as "Little League" and there's nothing quite like that amazing three song opener of Shmap'n Shmazz but Algernon Cadwallader is definitely more competent and the instrumentation is probably a bit better. So yeah I like Cap'n Jazz more, but this is a better Cap'n Jazz clone than Owls, which is literally just Cap'n Jazz.

Imma buy that vinyl now.

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The last album for this post is Kill Them with Kindness by the Jealous Sound. What an emo name. I don't think I'd ever heard of them before starting this activity.

First song sounds fine. Definitely more on the poppy side, but not in a bad way. Reminds me a lot of Jimmy Eat World, but a bit slower and with more phaser (?). All these songs have very pop-punky guitars (lots of power chords or whatever). Again fine, it's just quite different from all the midwest emo I've been listening to.  Liking the intro synth on "The Fold Out". I'm vibing with "Does That Make Sense" for some reason. Liking "Abandon, Abandon"'s guitars for some reason and once again, loving the synth on "Troublesome". So much glissando and just that good kinda sharp vibe. Ugh "Recovery Room" is a ballad. Ballads are hit or miss on a good day and this one is definitely a miss (today at least). It's six minutes long too. Closer ("Above the Waves") is a pretty traditional closer. There's some build up (in a pop way, not a midwest emo way) but it's still like the rest of the album overall. Last rendition of the chorus (with the backing vocals) is pretty great.

Vocals are very samey across all the songs and not in a fun yelly way (so much reverb). I know that's how this style of emo is (there's two! Brand New albums on this list. Tied with Jimmy Eat World. Only Mike Kinsella has more) and the main focus really is the lyrics, not the delivery, but more variety would be nice. Or at least more energy. 

As a side note, I love how with each release the album cover gets higher and higher quality.

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And with that, another set of albums done. Almost a quarter of the way through the list. Everything was actually emo this time and it sure revealed my preferences for fast, very energetic music. And cool album covers. I keep going back and forth about buying the Owls album. I think I will because the local record shop apparently has a special, indie record store only edition and I love colored vinyls. But there's another, slightly more expensive special edition on Bandcamp, so we'll see (I guess quite a bit more expensive with shipping).

Dog Days 29, 30, 31 32

I've been really lazy, okay. And it's been really hot.

So Monday. I didn't go to work because it was hot, I had no real reason to go to work and FHE wasn't going to be at the church. Can't think of anything notable during the day. In the evening we went to my roommate's parents' house to do blacksmithing. A couple other people came early to help set up/do the smithing and overall the activity turned out really well. A lot more people came than expected and the forge took a long time to cool down, so we didn't get home till well after 10. After that, I started prepping for Tuesday's DnD campaign. 

On Tuesday, I did have to go to work because I had a two different drs appointments. The first was with the travel clinic to get a script for malaria pills and see which vaccines I'd need (tetanus and typhoid). I ran into one of the students from my IO class while getting lunch before that, so we had a nice little talk. Went back to the office and hang out with some of my friends for a while before going to the psychiatrist. The session was fine, I don't really need therapy at the moment so it's hard to say what to work on but I did get my script renewed (which was the main point of the appointment). Went home and set up for DnD. That night's adventure included a lot of my favorite tropes (cults and fairies and puzzle battles) so I was pretty excited for it. It of course went very off rails (and they decided to leave the forest instead of looking for a certain NPC so that questline is stalled for the time being) but it was really fun watching them slowly figure out the environmental puzzle I set up for the main battle, even if they didn't engage with it fully. 

Wednesday I went running. Even at 7 in the morning it was hot, and I'm impressed we kept a 10 minute pace. I was originally planning on staying in the office all day but instead decided to go home before it got too hot (of course, by 10 it already felt >90) even though it would mean I'd skip lunch, Catan, Institute and the Republican Debate watch party. I was able to pick up my meds though. Did some work, napped I think and not sure what else. Was a much lower key day than planned, but that's okay. Oh and my back tire went flat for some unknown reason, which was all the more onus to just go home.

Thursday (so today) I also didn't go to work because it was still hot. I did get up at 7 to send in some work/handle some logistics before going back to sleep for a while. Got the key to my sister's apartment from her roommate and yeah did some work. In the evening I went (indoor) bouldering and did fairly well. It always feels nice to do a mix of medium and hard problems and actually have some success. Oh and one of the missionaries transferring wanted to visit us because apparently he likes my and my roommates that much. There wasn't time but that was really sweet. Always nice to make a good impression.

Tomorrow things will cool down, which is good because I have a lot to do. Gotta fix my bike, then take care of some things at work, then help my sister move in and then figure out things from there. 

Dog Days 27 and 28

 It's so so so hot. So the title is relevant again.

Saturday I overslept. Finally made it out of bed to go to the grocery store and get supplies for cooking. Then I went to a baptism, followed by a bit more shopping (this time with other people). Got home, showered because I was very sweaty and then made tomato confit and garlic confit (which turned out a bit overcooked I think). For the most part, this just meant I peeled a lot of garlic. My main herb base was the Scarborough Fair herbs (parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme). I also added salt and black pepper, plus dried chilies for the garlic and apple cider vinegar for the tomatoes (should have added sugar too, oh well). While those were cooking, I decided to use the leftover herbs to make pesto. Except I had no cheese and no pine nuts, so I used my leftover shredded coconut and a bit of palm oil for texture and oils. I also added too much lemon juice, so it came out quite sour. I guess I could call it pesto-like instead of pesto. While everything was cooking, I also watched more of My Adventures with Superman. I'm quite liking it. After cooking was done I did dishes.

Sunday I got up at 6:30 so I'd be ready for our 7:30 run. It was already so hot (like 75 degrees) so the run was pretty miserable. Got home, showered and finished doing the dishes. I decided to toast the rest of the baguette I bought Saturday in the oven. Burnt some of it but that was okay. Went to church (threw my bike in the back of my roommate's car because biking to church would have been miserable). Sacrament was fine, so was Sunday School (where I spread the good word of Christian Anarchism and my belief that 4th Nephi is the best book in the Book of Mormon). Had elder's quorum presidency meeting after church and then hung out at a friend's house for a bit while writing my message to a potential workaway host. Then we went over to the park for the charcuterie picnic (which is why I made those spreads in the first place). It was very hot, but more bearable in the shade of the pavilion. I didn't play volleyball because I had to take a phone call and that was a convenient excuse not to. Hung out more, returned to my friends' house and then biked home (by this point it was still hot but more reasonable, like sub 90). At home I rested a bit and then dug up my vaccine records for my appointment Tuesday. Apparently I'm due for tetanus as well so that's two shots I forgot I needed along with a consultation about malaria pills (the reason I set up the appointment in the first place). How serendipitous. And that was my day, pretty much. 

Feeling fine, just hot. Have my next appointment with the psychiatrist Tuesday.  

Dgo Days 25 and 26

You know, it's actually been quite cool these past few days. Next week though the title might be relevant again.

Worked from home Thursday. Which meant not much work at all. In the evening I went over to someone's house to play a DnD one shot. That was fun. Not much else to say. Haven't been waking up early again (in fact I overslept today).

Today I went to work in the afternoon, called up the dr to schedule a travel consultation (want to see if I need malaria pills and also I guess the typhoid vaccine) and did a bunch of programming simple simulations to determine fair cutoff points for character creation in my campaign. Went to a concert this evening for a local post-hardcore/emo band. That was nice, I bought a download code for their new album afterwards (and got a sticker). No idea what I'm doing tomorrow yet, need to commit to something. Probably won't be going on the temple trip though. Oh and I published my server and have been filling out things about various gods/worldbuilding. 

I'm tired because I keep staying up way too late.

Dog Days 23 and 24

So Tuesday I got up and actually went to work. Luckily the window was closed in my office so not everything was wet. I mostly planned my trip, trying to figure out what to buy and when to go to different places. I saw that a nearby outdoors shop had the bags I was looking at so I went over to try one out. Didn't buy since I already had a bag with me but definitely plan to get it. I also got hiking sandals, since they were solid, I needed new ones and they were on sale. 

Then I went to play frisbee. I'm not very good and it took me a while to remember all the rules but I made a couple of good catches and throws. After that I went home, bought a linen towel (after lots of research about how those are the best travel towels: slightly larger than microfiber but dry a lot better and don't smell as bad), storage cubes and a fancy travel adapter. I'm spending a lot on this trip but the idea is that most of this stuff I'll be able to use for years. The travel pack especially for hiking/camping/as a carry on and the sandals for hiking. Then I filled out my workstay profile and went to bed.

I forgot to set my alarms but woke up before six, which is kind of worrying since that often precipitates a depressive episode. We'll see. Set my alarms and went back to sleep for an hour before going running. We did a 9:00 pace today, so I was dying by the end of the run. Then I hung out at my friend's house since I wasn't in a rush. Went to the gym to shower, got lunch with friends and went back to my office to work. Then I played catan (almost won), downloaded Rise of Nations and played a game of that (which took forever since I got stalemated for a while due to the nature of the game I was playing. I had to focus on just one enemy at a time). Rushed to get dressed for the priesthood meeting and rode over to a friend's house for a ride to that. That went well, ice cream was good and we went home. I biked home, rested a bit and then had a large dinner because I need to clear out leftovers. Even cut up more potatoes to fill out the soup I have. Maybe they can go in the saag too? 

And that's me. I have a lot to do, both for work and setting up my trip. It's time to figure out my final schedule and start buying tickets. Also tell people what I'm doing and find a place to dump my suitcase in Jakarta. Oh and I need to create a level 10 character for a one-shot. At least I'm not DMing tomorrow.

Dog Days 20, 21 and 22

More tired and busy leading to laziness. 

Saturday: Got up and went to Walmart to get milk and a couple of other ingredients. Then we went climbing. Embarrassingly couldn't make it up an easy route but I did make it up some highball slabs (and a fun chimney problem). Swam in a lake but it was dirty enough (non blue-green algae bloom) to not want to swim across it. Tried the Culver's pub burger, it was excellent. Got home and played pathfinder (was very late). Made paneer by boiling milk, adding lemon juice and then squeezing out the whey. Pressed the cheese for 2 hours and meant to write this while that was happening but ended up falling asleep on the couch instead.

Sunday: Got up early to cook. Took like an hour to fry my paneer/tofu and blanch 3 pounds of spinach. The rest of the cooking went a lot faster. I doubled the spices of the recipe (and the number of chilies and yogurt) which was probably a quite good idea. I also let the onions caramelize (for much longer than the recipe suggested) before adding the ginger and garlic. This is something I always do, not sure why the recipe called for adding them all together. Anyway, the saag paneer turned out really well.

Church was fine, I skipped out on the last third of elder's quorum to reheat my dish before the potluck. Was really glad someone else brought rice as well because mine was demolished. There wasn't much food so it was a good thing that I brought so much of a main course. Everyone (who could handle a little spice) got some. The sisters asked if I could sit in on a lesson and it went well. The investigator really wants to set his life straight and feel the progression of the gospel. The prayer he gave at the end was very sincere and powerful. Anyway, he's aiming to be baptized this Saturday. Went home, did dishes and I honestly don't remember the rest of the day. I did watch the first few episodes of the new Superman show, which is quite cute.

Monday: Got up and it was storming. Prepared a bag just in case but decided it wouldn't be worth it (especially since we weren't doing FHE at the church). Did a little bit of work, but not enough really. I know what I need to add to my proposal, but I just haven't done it yet. Took a nap (I've been really tired this past week but not in a depressed way, in a I'm not getting enough sleep because I'm dumb way). Ordered a record. Went to FHE. And that's about it. Now I'm back here. 

Dog Days 17, 18 and 19

So I've been lazy and staying up far too late, hence the delay. Just the important stuff follows.

Wednesday: Ran as normal. Met with a professor about some temporary work. Played a very long game of Catan (cities and knights, so there was a lot of new stuff to learn). Got dinner with friends. On the way to institute, found a portable record player on the side of the road. Worked on DnD stuff.

Thursday: Not much to report in the morning. In the afternoon I continued to work on DnD stuff. Made monster cards to help me with tracking initiative and make combat go faster. Drew a map and keyed in parts of the hex map. Ran the session, with 7 players and 10 enemies at parts (actually I think the other battle had 11 enemies at one point). So I spent way too much time afterwards reading up how to move combat faster. Seems like narration is important.

Friday: Big thing today was getting my new computer (which despite being cheaper than my current laptop, has more memory and RAM because it is much newer). Couldn't go to the office until it arrived because it was being delivered to the door, not the mailroom. Anyway set up was easy and then I immediately downloaded Risk of Rain 2 to try it since I haven't actually played it. Having both a windows computer and a mac is weird. Anyway, once I get dropbox, stata and word working on that computer, I'll use that one as a work computer (but also some games) and this mac as my hobby/general use/home computer. I definitely like the mac more from a general use perspective. These retina screens are something else. Then in the evening I went to a friend's house for pizza and smash. Made it home just before the thunderstorm (a stick actually hit me on the hand as I was coming up my street), unplugged everything because there was a lot of lightning and waited around. Eventually I could plug things back in and thus I worked on this. Oh and I bought Impossible Creatures because I've been wanting to play it since it came out 20 years ago and it was 75% off on steam (so 2 bucks). So I'm gonna do that.

 I need to get up early tomorrow to go shopping (didn't today on account of threatened rain and the laptop) so I can make cheese (and eventually saag paneer) for Sunday's potluck. And that's about it. 

Dog Days 16

 Got up and then slept in a bit. Went to Walmart to get some ingredients for dinner. Went to the Asian Market to get some other ingredients (no candlenuts though; place was near cleared out since it's closing at the end of the month because the owner is retiring). Went home and worked on my literature review. Sat around a bit. Started cooking. Since most of the cook time was boiling meat, I decided to rerecord the bass and vocals for the last part of "Fishing for Birds". The bass is much slower and out of time, so I might rerecord it again as triplet quavers or just eighth notes instead of quarter notes. My microphone also just doesn't capture the noiseyness of what I'm doing, though it did catch a cool effect I did with a vibrating string and a coin. Also my amp was picking up changes in electricity (in the atmosphere) when I touched my laptop, which was cool. I also rerecorded the vocals. They're a bit screamier and less shouty now but I still have a ways to go. Went downstairs to finish cooking. Ground my paste (used palm oil instead of candlenuts), cut the potatoes and in general it all went very smoothly.

The missionaries arrived just as I was finishing cooking the bihun (well glass noodles, I couldn't find actual bihun) and dishing up the soup. The elders were on splits so I ended up hosting a very green missionary. He loved the soup and had like three helpings. Dinner and the lesson went well and right at the end I got a call from a member of the bishopric asking if I could help with a blessing. I could, so I biked over and did the anointing. Weird that after a long time of not blessing anyone, I've done two within two weeks. I'll admit it feels pretty good to be the sort of person people turn to when looking for help with this. It's nice to be known as a reliable person, I guess? Also helped that I was nearby but we'll ignore that for now. 

Got home and after some looking, found the mailroom key so I picked up my shipment of dice and my battle map. Now I just need some wet erase markers and I'll be ready to really wow my players (I suggested two possible adventures for this week if people want to play). I've been reading up on encounter and battle design too. Did dishes and worked on this. Such was my day.

I feel fine, as I should. Tired though but that's fine. 

Dog Days 14 and 15

You know it's actually not been too hot. Or rather, the humidity has been down so the 80s have been more bearable than they were a few weeks ago. But it's still gonna be marked as dog days for a while.

Sunday I got up at 7 and decided that running while fasting was probably a bad idea after all so I went back to sleep instead. Church was fine, it was weird only showing up a few minutes early. Didn't participate much in sunday school (was working on some family things) and testimony meeting was very average (which is fine!). Waited around for like an hour after church because roommate had meetings. 

Got home, sat around a bit, did some reading and eventually decided to go running (after eating of course). Was going to do a 10-10.3 mile course but my headphones died and I didn't want to do that long of a run without them (I was all ready to use Analphabetapolothology since it's only just a tad too short for the 10:00 pace on that course). So I decided to do speed training. Mapped out a 3 mile (actually like 3.2 mile) course, set my timer for 27 minutes (so a 9:00 pace...for three miles) and started running. I was doing drills where I'd run fast for 30 seconds and then run at normal pace for a minute. Well I made it in exactly 27 minutes, which means my actual pace was like 8:30. Felt like dying afterwards.

Rest of the night was DnD prep. I'm creating a discord server to organize my open table so I've been working on that. Made a logo in paint. Messed around with different hex map programs. Stayed up till like 2:30 working on this hence not making a blog post.

This morning I intended to go shopping for Tuesday but was lazy getting out of bed. So I didn't. Made it to the office around noon and worked on various things there. Mostly cleaned out my desk but I'll do the actual move Wednesday. FHE was a family history night, I shared a story about how my (probable) 14-great grandfather was one of the printers of the original KJV bible. It was very silly and I played into my whole "all my stories are ambiguously true" vibe. Went home and didn't work. Decided I should go to bed at a reasonable time tonight.

I need to actually get up early to shop tomorrow (the dish I'm doing takes about 3 hours, though most of that is boiling meat. I can do spice prep during that time). I also told my advisor I'd send back my edits by noon and I've barely done any so far. And there's a bunch of emails to respond to, mostly about moving my defense date back. 

I tagged this with music because I listened to quite a few things worth mentioning. First is the Front Bottoms' You Are Who You Hang Out With. It was fine. Some of the songs work really well (like basically all the singles and "Batman" really got to me too) others were just alright. Decent album but not one of my top ones for the year. I also listened to somethings I haven't heard before. Prawn's Kingfisher was pretty good, though I do see why it gets criticized for having too samey sounding songs on it. I absolutely love its album art, shame that posters are out of print. Today I listened to Crying's double EP Getting Olde/Second Wind. It's a mix of power pop and chiptunes, which is fairly interesting. I quite liked it.  

Emotionally feeling fine. Too good maybe? I'm always so paranoid about that, but I've been tired rather than hyper and aggressive/confident so I don't think I'm going hypomanic. Not that staying up till 3 working on a project is a good sign. I still feel a bit of imposter syndrome about my diagnosis but I think the meds are working (hard to say, seeing as I started them in a good time and all) and when I go back through the records there's just no denying it. So I dunno.

Dog Days 11, 12 and 13

So I've had a lot of late nights recently, hence why I skipped journalling. Only going over the important parts (that I remember).

So the big things I did on Thursday were review the grant proposal and host DnD. Five people showed up and we spent the first hour or so building characters. Then we got to the actual adventure and man was that a lot of ad-libbing. I had actually prepared some encounters and a general idea of what should happen and of course we immediately went off the rails. The party was much more interested in the psychological condition of the barkeep than I expected, so instead of having the adventurer guild be pre-established we took a detour to make it before going on the real adventure (also now the barkeep is racist towards goblins). They also captured the goblin ambush (which went hilariously poorly on the goblins' side) instead of killing them, which I decided will cause problems down the line. Thanks to a series of extremely poor rolls, it took forever for the party to discover what was supposed to be a pretty easy mystery. And then we accidentally recreated Thanksgiving (which was not my intention at all) because the players got really into negotiating peace between the pixies and the cultists utopianists. Also everyone seems convinced that I'm trying to kill them while I play every NPC very sincerely (and never even considered trapping the bridge). Overall though (and despite running late) people seemed to like it and I'm getting a lot of praise for my DMing, probably because I'm loose, fun and good at improv.

Friday was a grant writing day. I had a good meeting with my advisor about moving forward and assembled my committee (but will probably push back my defense date). I went home and did a 5 mile run in the evening (pace was a bit faster than 10:00, which is good since that includes stopping for cars and getting distracted by a deer. I was sprinting at the end though). Then I got back to grant writing and finished the sections I'd say I'd do at like 2 in the morning. At least I don't feel terrible doing the writing like I did back in March. Yeah (temporarily?) not being depressed.

Saturday I got up early to go to the Renaissance Faire. I didn't get around to making a costume, so I just threw on a sarung and a blangkon. It was really fun, probably the best RF I've been to. Some highlights include all the carnival rides being completely human powered, a famous glassblower doing demos and of course the drama that is the joust (3/4 competitors were "dead" by the end). On the car ride there and backed I worked on different travel routes for my October trip. I'm thinking about leaving Jakarta a day earlier (since I have all of Saturday to shop, Sunday to meet with people/shop/etc and Monday to potentially meet with co-authors, I don't really need another flex day) to give me just a bit more time in Sulawesi (pending this guy actually wanting me, but I think he will). I discovered this one park in Central Sulawesi I really want to go to (it has megaliths and birds so it was basically designed for me) but it's a bit out of the way so I've been thinking up a couple of routes. I think in the end it really depends on 2 things: Can I get to Kendari from Sorowako and how easy is it to get to Sorowako from Tanah Toraja (or really Palepo). That determines when I go to Tanah Toraja, either on the way to Sorowako or on the way back towards Makassar. But there's no way I'm going to South Sulawesi without visiting Tanah Toraja (I might skip Makassar though because it's easy to hit on another trip). I have some flex time, I don't think I need to spend more than 4 days in Surabaya. Then I have a day or two in Jakarta to recouperate and buy more swag (and possibly a trip to Bandung on Monday riding the new HSR if that's an option) before going home (and doing a shopping trip in Tokyo for my sister maybe). It's going to be a very busy month.

Tagged this one for music because a couple new albums came out this week. There's The Front Bottoms' You Are Who You Hang Out With which has "Punching Bag" (a song I really like). I haven; listened to it yet but I'm excited. I just finished Chris Farren's Doom Singer (I got introduced to him by the music video for one of the singles on this album, "Cosmic Leash". Awesome song). It's pretty good. The song "Screensaver" got to me, even if it is less relevant to my life now post-answer.

Oh and I ordered a new (cheap) computer today. So that's exciting I guess. Anyway, time to go to bed, I'm running in the morning tomorrow (and then probably again in the evening; gotta train). 

Dog Days 10

Got up, went running. Showered and then checked out an apartment for my sister. Dunno if she and her future roommate decided to take it or not. Ate lunch with friends, played Catan (I had terrible luck today) did some work and then got dinner with friends in exchange for helping with a move last week. Chinese, was pretty good. There's not much else to say about today. Building key is definitely lost though I'm going to wait for a little while to see if I just happened to drop it in the apartment I was helping move yesterday. 

My allergies seem to be hitting me hard this week. Post-nasal drip to coughing and itchy eyes (but not red). Mostly just annoying but my hypochondriac self is freaking out since this could be an early sign of SJS. Really don't want that in my life (right now or at all). Definitely on the look out for any rashes or ulcers/sores but haven't seen any yet. Will have to call the doctor right away if so. Feel fine emotionally though. 

And yeah that's like it for today. 

Dog Days 8 and 9

 So I didn't write yesterday because our internet was out, not because I was lazy.

Anyway, got up and went shopping since I hadn't done that in like 3 weeks. Went home, put away food and ate lunch. Went to the office. Got a response back to one of my emails (I need to respond back to her, she was so prompt and her info was really useful) and then talked to my advisor about what I figured out with regard to costs. Wrote a report on that and also on what fieldwork might entail. Went over to the library to look at the Censuses again but they hadn't been reshelved yet. Went to FHE and played games. Gave a blessing to one of my ministerees (been a while since I did that; I just did the anointing and had the handbook open the whole time). Came home and learned our internet was out so I couldn't work. Helped one of my players make a homebrew race (we fudged some of the rules because it's hard to evaluate how much the weaknesses and feats interplay...definitely going against the 5e grain here). Went to bed with the intent of going to the office early to finish my work.

Got up and then went back to sleep. Did make it to the office by like 9:30. Worked for a bit and then ate lunch and went to help with a move. Luckily it was a pretty easy move (everything in boxes and not much furniture). Despite the day being fairly cool compared to last week, it was still hot in the sun. I think I lost my building key during the move, not sure though. At the very least, when I went to leave the office it wasn't where I thought it was. So I might be out 20 bucks (and in a lot of shame). Go back to my office, finish up some work and go to a meeting. Meeting concludes and I go back up which is when I realized I didn't have the building key. Retrace my path and can't find it. 

Since I was in the area, I went to the record shop to check it out. Lots and lots of stuff. Of course I couldn't really find anything I was interested in in the used section; they were all in the new section. Bought Rites of Spring's S/T because that's out of print and I've been thinking about it for a while. Such a good album. I'll probably also buy the digital form (plus the EP) straight from the label. Also picked up a $4 mystery grab bag too. 5 vinyls of things I'd never listen to. Went to the climbing gym but by that point everyone else was there too so I didn't climb much and just went home after like 30 minutes. Didn't want to deal with a crowd. Went home. Zoomed in to a friend's mission call opening. San Jose, which means my guess of San Bernardino was actually somewhat close. Took another phone call from a friend. Read through some stuff and now I'm here writing this.

I'm checking out an apartment for my sister tomorrow morning, after running (so no hanging out post run). There's also lunch, games in the afternoon and then I'm skipping institute for a dinner. Busy, busy day. Should be good though. Not that these past days have been bad. I feel pretty good (and I don't think that's the meds, they're more for stabilization than actually improving moods plus I was feeling good before the meds). Slowly working out the logistics of my trip. I need to actually announce it so I can find a place to drop my suitcase off in Jakarta. If I do end up doing a crazy bus trip, I don't want to be dragging that around. Need to get my grant proposal drafted by Friday. Lots to do is the point. 

Oh I forgot to mention. I saw a heron in the bushes and went to take a photo of it. As I did that I saw a kingfisher fly past. No photo but that's when I knew today would be a good day. Then I saw a heron in a tree and another one in the water. So many herons today.

Dog Days 7

Got up and then went back to sleep for a bit. Fixed my tire and made a fancy breakfast (eggs and onions) for myself. Went to church. Talks were fine (good job to the new member who spoke) and the fifth Sunday lesson was also fine. Came home. Napped a bit. Finished Wrestling the Angel. Ate a whole thing of macaroni for dinner. Since the weather was nice and I need to run more, I decided to do an 8.6 mile run today.

Left a little after 7 and made it back in about 85 minutes (I didn't set a stopwatch but I did listen to a ~49 minute album and all but the last 1.5 minutes or so of a 37 minute album. I chose those for pacing reasons since if I beat the albums, that would mean a 10 minute pace). Technically a bit over that since Idid stop the music for like 30 seconds to get water (mile 4.3, so the halfway point) and like a 3-4 minute bathroom break around mile 6.5 (ultimately unnecessary but a bit before I really felt like I needed one). I was tired by the end of it (and really hungry so I ate second dinner) but my muscles don't hurt too much and most importantly, I ran the whole thing. Wasn't even really panting or anything. So my endurance and overall cardio is good. I just need to work more on pacing. This course had some hills too. Nothing too extreme but adding those in is important too. Time to find more courses since I have just like 8 weeks to go. Maybe 7. Sent out some emails for work and lazed around. Filled out and submitted my timesheet, which I was supposed to do Friday but forget given the whole funeral and happy hour things. Luckily I hadn't gotten locked out the system for last week yet. Hopefully my pay isn't delayed too much.

I feel fine. Emotionally and even physically, given that whole running thing. I even played video games (Xenoblade and Runescape. apparently it's double xp week). Need to get up early to go shopping (I haven't in like 3 weeks. I'm almost completely out of food except ramen).

Dog Days 6

Not much to report today. Slept in today (so until 8). Didn't go anywhere in the morning (even though I need to go shopping) because I wasn't sure when we were leaving for the lake. Should've fixed my tire but didn't (it's fully deflated now, was like 3/4 this morning). 

Climbed at the lake at some places I'd never been before. These were some pretty fun and not too difficult areas, which was nice. I got to do some high rocks, which is always nice. 

Came home and played pathfinder. Twas good. Our campaign is slowly advancing (well a side mission of it at least). Did dishes afterwards and here we are. Not much else to say. Tomorrow is fifth Sunday, I have some work things to do and I might go swing dancing (or at least listen to the band while others dance) or do some ministering stuff. Should be a nice day. 

I feel fine. I think I'm starting to get used to the post medicine fatigue, I'm not nearly as tired as I was a few days ago. Still pretty tired though. 

Dog Days 5

Set my alarm for 6:30 but didn't get ready for the day until like 8. Guess I was tired. Anyway, my rear tire was flat for some reason so I rescheduled my meeting with my advisor to the afternoon and went to fix that. Didn't find the leak (it's definitely there though, since it deflated by the end of today) but did find one of the spokes was loose. Fixed that (sort of) and decided to just pump my tire and see what would happen.

Went to my office (it was so hot) and prepared for my meeting. Did the meeting (it was productive) and worked on my next tasks, for Monday. The funeral started at 3 so I zoomed into that and it was a nice funeral. Haven't been to one in a long time, especially not one for a relative. Went for a run with the department. Our pace wasn't great but that's okay, it was so hot. Hung out at the happy hour, went home and showered since I was literally drenched in sweat. Decided to work on the next track for the Scandals from the Karaoke Booth EP, which is "Waiting Room" but basically deconstructed as an industrial song (and no, I don't mean an industrial rock song). A single pulsating bass line, never changing except in timber. A heavy 4 on the 4 kick and snares on 1 and 3 to sound more mechanical. Loops on loops on loops. I'll record the vocals through a vocorder to give them a nice robotic feel. Should be interesting (especially as I start playing the bass line over itself but off beat). So I've been having a lot of fun with that. 

I'm less tired tonight than I have been the last few nights. Maybe because I actually sort of slept in. I'm starting to feel pretty tired though so I guess I'll go to bed soon.

Dog Days 4

Set my alarm for 6:30 but didn't really make it out of bed until like 7:15 and to the office until like 8:15. Worked on my stuff, did my meeting, sat around (and did more work) and then went over to do sausage tasting for a research project. It wasn't much sausage so my friend and I went to get ice cream afterwards. Back to the office. I sent some emails and didn't really have a reason to stay so I headed home. Stopped by McD's for lunch (since I didn't have a real one).

So so so hot today. Really sapped my energy on the ride home, so I was quite slow. Was not keeping up with ebikes. At home I lay in bed for a while. Came downstairs with the intent of working on my DnD campaign (I cancelled today's session since I wasn't sure when the funeral would be, ends up its tomorrow) but just listened to music and read stuff instead. Anyway I'm so tired, probably because of the meds. So I'm gonna go to bed.

RS Greatest Emo Albums: 38-35

A continuation of this project I started. Putting 4 together this time because why not. No real themes as far as I am aware of to bind these together and not much pre-music commentary to make so off we go.

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The first album today, at number 38, is Intersections by Into It. Over It. (how fitting). Never heard of them before, apparently it's a one-man project (or at least was when this album was recorded)? Notably, it's the only album on the list from after 2008. And to be quite frank, one of the only ones released within 10 years of the article's publication in 2016. So that's interesting since the article is otherwise lacking emo revival/fourth wave representation (the album from 2008 is also revival iirc). On to the album itself though.

Liking this album so far (which checks out, I like midwest emo). "New North-Side Air" has some cool instruments. I'm quite digging "A Curse Worth Believing", especially the beginning. But like the layered vocals are cool (and sounding like a noisy Death Cab song isn't a bad thing). Liking "Upstate Blues" a lot too. Really fun guitars, the loud-quiet dynamic and I love the line "If misery loves company than what does that make me?" cause I'm cringe (end fades into the next song really well too. Love a good transition). Speaking of that next song, the build up for "No Amount of Sound" is great. No idea what the song is about though. "A Pair of Matching Taxi Rides" is also awesome. The guitars (there's some real noisey/fuzzy ones that remind me of some of the sounds I was experimenting with for Ghelded Kultz 10 years ago, before this album came out even) and the way it changes over the song. "Your Antique Organ" is a softer song (on an already soft album) but there's some really cool instrumentation in the background. Another great song overall. And is the last song ("Contractual Obligation") a break up song? I love break-up songs, plus it just sounds fun and has a lot going on (I do love layered vocals). Also the lines "The look of your name is such an eyesore" and "Today I walked alone for the first time/Reclaimed the finer brick from your fault lines" are big mood.

Yeah I like this album. Unsurprising. I like midwest emo, I like indie rock, I like twinkly guitars, I like noise. Plus I've apparently liked other projects this guy is in (like Pet Symmetry). Good choice Rolling Stone.

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Album number 2 (well 37) is one I know quite well, Indian Summer's Science 1994. I think I first listened to it in 2017, maybe 2018? Point is, I've known it for a long time. So some fun facts about this album. In true punk fashion, it's actually a compilation album of all (or at least most of) their prior work. The names of the songs on bandcamp are completely different than what they are normally known by and I'm pretty sure none of the songs have official titles (though they do have well known ones). Since it was only a dollar on bandcamp and I love this album, that's what I'll be using. I'll need notes to align the track names though.

"I think your train is leaving" ("giving") starts soft but has really good build up and riffs. Also I can only assume that the lyrics are entirely literal. "Touch The Wings Of An Angel... Doesn’t Mean You Can Fly" ("birth") has an awesome riff. I really like the staticky quality at the beginning of "Aren't you Angel" ("thunder"), in a way it almost reminds me of Daniel Johnson. Also that song uses dynamics so well (and screams). "Waiting" ("by") is just awesome when it gets all quiet for a second as the singer says "killer" and then goes into an almost metallic repetitive riff (which almost reminds me of Big Black). 

And then we get to "Angry Son" ("sleeping"). This is the song that introduced me to Indian Summer and it is just wonderful. The quiet start with spoken word lyrics. Just perfection when the loud guitar comes in. A driving bass in the background (sounds like something from Low of all bands. Almost like it was ripped out of "Lullaby"). And an iconic ending with a record playing in the background (same as the beginning. As much as I love Origami Angel, this is how samples should be done since it really adds to the song. It's funny, I'm not much one for noodling and long songs, but some of my favorite songs in general are really long, even self indulgent. "Diamond Sea" by Sonic Youth, "Do you know how to waltz?" and "Lullaby" by Low, "SexBomb" by Flipper and as I just mentioned "Angry Song" all would count.

"Orchard" ("with") has a really cool riff all through it and the chorus is deliciously noisy. As usual "Sugar Pill" ("his") has a great build-up and the screams of "pills" abound in a good way. The bass on "Reflections On Milkweed" ("daughter") is also so great, especially how it interplays with the guitar (both in twinkle and noise mode). 

While I'm glad that this album made the list, 37 is much too low. It's not just a historically important album (well sort of. Indian Summer was important, the album was released well after their heyday but all the songs were already there), it's a great album. Every song is great (even the ones I didn't mention), "Angry Son" is literally one of the best emo songs of all time and few bands have done the loud-quiet dynamic and build ups better than Indian Summer. 

Have an 8bit cover of "Angry Son".

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Number 36 on the list is Gatefold by Orchid. So the first real screamo/skramz album on the list (not that some of the prior ones didn't have good screams, Science 1994 for instance). 

Starts out very loud and creamy. Definitely faster/more hardcore than any of the albums so far (which checks out, Orchid was a powerviolence band). These songs are short too. I think I like "Loft Party" and "I wanna fight" switches between loud and less loud really well. End of "A Visit from Dr. Goodsex" is fun. I'm liking "We Love Prison" which is more typical of post-hardcore and less powerviolencey than other songs imo. The style switch in "Flip the Tapes" is cool and especially impressive seeing as the whole song is < 30s. "Tigers" is a masterpiece. It's slow compared to the rest of the album but the main riff is good and the lyrics are fun ("I make love in theory and touch myself in practice" is a banger of a line and the whole thing is making fun of intellectuals). Sound effects at the start of "Let's Commodify Sexuality" are great. The drum break/solo at the beginning of "Discourse of Desire" would be fun to sample for something. "None More Black" is good. 

This album is whatever. There's parts I like and I'm impressed how much can be fit in very short run times, but in the end it isn't really my style. Better than most grindcore though (all grindcore?).

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Last album for this post, at number 35, is Coheed and Cambria's Good Apollo, I’m Burning Star IV, Volume One: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness. Wait since when was Coheed and Cambria emo and the article even acknowledges that this is when they went really prog. I know that emo and prog aren't anathema to each other (lots of math rock in emo after all) but it still feels weird. I haven't listened to Coheed and Cambria since high school and even then it was a pretty rare occurrence (usually tied to pony music videos I think). But here we go I guess (also 70 minutes of sci fi rock opera? This better be amazing, else I'm going to die).

So it starts off with slow strings and a piano? I mean not my thing but the piano riff is cool enough I guess. Decent atmosphere? Not a big fan of "Always and Never". It's a nice little soft song but I prefer my falsettos screamed. Cool synths I guess (especially at the end)?  [At this point I change the playlist I'm using because I got the single version/music video version of the next song]. "Welcome Home" has a good riff but I prefer it before it goes electric. Not a fan of the vocals (cue the people who are like "but you love the Brave Little Abacus!" Yeah, that's why I don't like these vocals). Oh no, a solo while cellos (?) are plagiarizing "Kashmir". "Ten Speed" is whatever. More guitar wank but it isn't twinkly. "Crossing the Frame" has some crescendo/buildup which I like and a good bass. Still doesn't grab me all that much. "Writing Writer" is okay. My favorite part might be the bridge, since the drums, bass and synths are being cool. I think I actually like "Once Upon Your Dead Body". Good bass, good rhythm guitar and I am sort of actually listening to the lyrics. "The Suffering" is fine. I like the piano and the heys. "Mother May" is decent. 

And now onto the four 7 minute songs all called "Willing Well" (I can't stand prog). The start of "I" is good but then it's just a regular song (with a cool bass, tbf). Well a regular song that changes a bunch, but not really in a way I like. "II" has a nice bounce near the beginning but that's about it. And I guess I like how it sounds kind of jolly/upbeat (the first 2 minutes at least). Yeah I stop liking it after about that point, with some minor exceptions. "III" starts like "Event Horizon" (by Šyþed Pyklez, not Coheed and Cambria) but getting faster instead of slower. We had the same idea though. And then the songs diverge wildly ("Event Horizon" is better). Don't like where this is going 4 minutes in (the kinda start/stoppy section). I liked the end though. Same could be said about "IV", the outro is the best part. Might be one of my favorite parts of the album actually. 

It's not like this album is bad or anything. Didn't want to completely turn it off or anything. I can see why other people would like it. But I just don't vibe with it. And I'm annoyed that this took a spot on the list. Maybe the lyrics are emo (I didn't care to pay attention) but musically it isn't at all. Unlike Love and Death (which I complained about last time) I can't even think of a good reason for this being in the running for this list at all. I'm not saying it stole the spot from just got back from the discomfort... (it should have been on the list but no one knew about Brave Little Abacus in 2016, especially not the weirdos at Rolling Stone) but there's plenty of more deserving, actual emo albums. So I'm a bit miffed. I've heard their first (and to lesser extent second) album actually is pretty post-hardcore/emo so maybe that would have been a better inclusion. But alas.

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Well six albums in and only three were unambiguously emo. Not a great start to this list. Two were sort of emo (and definitely associated with emo in pop culture so the inclusion makes enough sense) and one I don't get how it made the list at all. Looking forward to the next set, which has some bands I've heard of and some I haven't but even the ones I've heard of I don't think I've listened to the albums. So that should be fun. 

Dog Days 1-3

Yes, I know the dog days started earlier this month but it's been hot so give me my artistic license.Monday I had an excuse for not writing, but yesterday I was just lazy. Anyway, a recap.

Since our shower is broken, I went to my office early to shower at the gym. Figured I might as well run before that so I did a 45 minute run. Listened to just got back... for the first time and I've listened to it like twice since. It's amazing, I love this band so much. No wonder they have such good scores on Rate Your Music. Spent most of Monday working on tables and other things for Tuesday's meeting. Went to FHE (which was a hot like 7 mile bike ride away) at the Nature Conservatory and saw some old mounds, a spring and a very nice view of the prairie. Got a ride back to my office and then worked some more until like 11. Went home, at a quick dinner and went to bed.

Got up early Tuesday once again to shower (and to finish what I was working on Monday). Had my meeting and got new tasks. Then I sat around waiting for my appointment. The appointment went well, took like 2 hours. Very interrogated but in a good way. My assessment was agreed with, so I guess my BD 2 diagnosis is official now. Was prescribed the drug I thought I would be as well. I am afraid that I maybe I stressed the camping trip too much but that's just me second guessing myself I think. I was clearly hypomanic (I think) and that effectively rules out unipolar depression. Diagnosis is hard. After the appointment I went to help a friend move apartments. Then I went home and just kinda lay around because it was a tiring day. Should've done more work, but I didn't. Didn't even get around to folding my clothes. I think I did play the bass though. Can't remember. 

Today I got up early to go running. Did that and had breakfast at my friend's apartment afterwards. Then I went to the gym and showered. Had lunch with friends, on my way out I realized I lost my office key at the gym. Went back to the office, worked a bit and then played Catan. Went to the gym and then headed over to the Union for free ice cream followed by the library to look for old census records for work. I found the ones we were looking for and now know what maps we need. Not as great as I hoped but should be able to give us something. I can handle the geocoding and stuff. Then went to help my friend finish moving for a bit and then off to the pharmacy to pick up my drugs. Made dinner at home (no institute today), folded laundry, finished Unicorn Warriors Eternal and two more episodes of Cowboy Bebop. Did this. 

Need to write some emails and finish my tables tomorrow morning before my meeting, so there's that. Yet another early day. I'm exhausted right now. Probably a side effect of the drug (as the pharmacist said), though spending 16, 12 and 12 hours away from home for the past 3 days probably hasn't helped. I live a busy life. I feel fine otherwise and have been sleeping through the night.

Nauvoo Trip and some more (Summer Days 29-33 or something)

I've been really busy (or at least coming home late when I'm home at all) and lazy. I won't cover everything, just the important stuff.

I had a bunch of meeting Wednesday, along with running and institute. I also went to donate blood but was still slightly anemic. I'll try once more before my trip. Got a t-shirt though. Institute was fine. Got home late and didn't bother folding my clothes (my clothes remain unfolded so I'll do that after this).

Thursday's big event was watching Barbie and Oppenheimer (Oppenheimer first). I went to the office to do work (and get a ride to the movies...I took the bus and everything) but ended up having to go home fairly soon because new/old roommate was moving in a day earlier than expected. So I ended up biking to the movies. Both were very good. Oppenheimer is the better movie but Barbie was very fun even if it dragged on a bit near the end (and quite frankly, Ken's storyline doesn't really feel resolved). Ken's song should get Best Original Song as the Oscars next year. It also needs a midwest emo cover ASAP. Like yeah the 80s rock/ballad style fits better with Ken's personality but those lyrics scream emo. 

I had a bunch of meetings Friday morning so I went to the office to do those before heading back home. Packed and then took the bus to the church (three transfers!) for Nauvoo. Rode in a car with a bunch of new people, almost all of whom are real into DnD so we talked a lot about that. The rout we took went through a whole bunch of back roads, which was weird. Between that and dinner, we didn't arrive until after 11. Played a bit of cards and then went to bed. 

I got up a little before 6 so that I could shower before my 8am initiatory appointment. Wasn't the first person up, but was pretty close. Got dressed and then caught a ride with the other person who had the same idea (we're both social misanthropes, which is something we've bonded over quite a bit). Wandered around the temple grounds while listening to Low's "The Lamb" since that's a very appropriate song for the circumstances. Nauvoo is one of my favorite temples honestly. They don't build them like this anymore. Went in, printed names, saw Joseph Smith's sword (which was a family artifact before whoever inherited it gave it to the church), did initiatories for the first time in like over 5 years. I'd forgotten the blessings associated with it so that was a nice reminder of my potential. Five names goes pretty fast so I was done by 8:20 or so and out the door by about 830. Walked back to where we were staying (a little less than a mile and luckily on a flat surface). Played the blue, out of tune street piano a bit on my way back. Changed into my civilian clothes and then went with my car to explore. First we went to the old cemetery (which is apparently newer than the pioneer cemetery) and then down to old town. We checked out the Browning shop (which was new for me), the tin shop and watched some dancers before heading back to our place to get ready for endowments. I had already decided I wasn't doing a session (once again, a good choice) but did get talked into doing baptisms, the first I'd done in 4.5 years. It could have gone smoother. I forgot about confirmations so after changing out of my wet clothes, I just walked out through a non-descript side exit and had to do the walk of shame through the main entrance back to the baptistry. But the ordinances themselves were good. Even with pictures, we still got back before the endowment people. Changed into civilian clothes again and we decided as a group to go to Carthage before the rush. I rode over. I'd done Carthage before so it was whatever. On the ride over and back I talked about life with previously mentioned misanthropic friend. I ended up telling her about Her and how I was sort of engaged, which was a story she'd been waiting like 3 weeks to hear (I mentioned at a party that I had experiencing seducing rich people but that the party wasn't the time to tell it). 

Get back to the house and then walk to the visitor's center with a few people (and finally got more context on the question. At least I can safely say that I accept the answer now. That didn't take too long). Ran into another person and so it was the five of us for the rest of the night. After doing the scavenger hunt at the visitor's center and getting bricks, we headed back for dinner but decided to just buy rice bowls instead. Over the course of all this, we talked about all sorts of things including how we definitely were a group of side characters in whatever tv show we're in, my thoughts on anarchism which are probably pretty illogical but have good vibes, and cults. After dinner we went to the pageant area but it was before anything started so we walked over to the Smith family graveyard and sat for a while there. The marsh was very pretty (4.5 star marsh) and I bird watched a bit (saw a heron) while listening to Low's Double Negative since that seemed very appropriate and isolating. Of course that meant I didn't realize when people were trying to talk to me, lol. I left the group (more people were coming to the site and while I like the people in that group, I didn't want to be in a crowd) and started down the river. Ended up running into Bishop and his wife and talked to them for a bit. By that point the rest of my group caught up and we walked along the river and admired the sunset before heading over to the pageant. I didn't want to do the pageant so I just walked back to the house (up a hill and playing the piano on the way, of course). Hung out at the house and got asked more about my life by the other person who didn't want to go to the pageant (while she also vented to me about a bunch of things). That was a really hard (open ended) question to answer. Around 9:30 walked back to the temple. After waiting for it to light up (the signal that the pageant was going to end) I headed over to the piano and started playing it (I decided to work on learning "Wine, Women and Song" because that's a good one for a very out of tune piano) since I thought it would be funny to play piano in the dark as people passed by. Well not many people passed by, in fact it was basically just people from the ward. The first was the couple I'd been hanging out with earlier and they found it very funny and on brand that the random person playing piano in the dark was me. I didn't go back with them though because I didn't want to cockblock. Next group was the other half of the group I'd been with earlier (plus some others) and I went with them. They also thought it was funny. I should also mention that both groups had actually guessed that the person was me, from off in a distance. Anyway got back, showered and went to sleep. Well, lay in bed wanting to go to sleep. 

Fell asleep by 1 and was already awake by like 4:45. Stayed in bed half asleep until like 5:55 though. Then I got up, stripped the bed, got dressed and ate breakfast. Helped with other clean up stuff and my car left around 7:10 (we were one of the last because we helped). It's 4.5 hours to Madison and we were at the church by like 11:30...so we went fast. I slept like the whole car ride. Well maybe 3 hours of it. Was dead tired in sacrament meeting. Took attendance for Elder's quorum and then skipped out on the rest of it. Got a ride home with someone else who was tired and skipping 2nd hour. Got home, learned that we can't use the shower due to a leak and took a nap. Then just worked on various things all afternoon and evening I guess. Played bass (I can do "Where is my mind" pretty much b memory; also worked on natural harmonics). Did the dishes. Cooked two dinners (I didn't really have lunch and breakfast was tiny but that was still pretty excessive). Finally got around to listening to Brave Little Abacus and have decided they are the only non-Šyþed Pyklez/Ghelded Kultz band that actually have the shithe spirit (oh last night I also admitted that I still write songs and sometimes they relate to my feelings). Not wanting fans to pay for music, being noisy and experimental and singing poorly and so forth. Still better musicians and lyricists though. And now I'm writing this and not folding my laundry because it's late and I have a very long and busy day tomorrow.

I've felt pretty good these last few days, but in a non manic way. A nice change from the last ward trip. I have my appointment on Tuesday and finished the paperwork Friday. I'm really hoping that I can express myself well and start to get help. I'm fine now (and have been for a month, contextual week feeling bummed out aside), but I was fine in May too and all regular readers now how that turned out. Saturday was genuinely one of the nicest, happiest days I've had in a while (and no uncontrollable crying and depression afterwards!). I was a normal person (emotionally, at least). I think I actually do feel peace at the temple. Whodathunk?