Summer Day 9

Woke up early. Went back to sleep. When my alarm went off at 7 I sent an email about my computer troubles and how I'd probably not make the meeting we had scheduled this morning. And then I pretty much stayed up, showered and got back to work trying to fix things. That obviously didn't work but I did have enough battery to order a new charger (used my Gallup money to pay for it too). So hopefully that arrives tomorrow. 

Went to work fairly early, since I was already up. Helped a coworker with ArcGIS, ate lunch and then went over to the library which had both computers to use and chargers to borrow (it ends up the charger loans are multiday, which is why I took one home with me. Neat). Got some work done, I'll finish it tomorrow before dropping off the charger. 

Went over to a friends house to carpool over to a move. Actually ended up biking over with him since he caught up as I was leisurely headed that way. As a testament to my absurd leg strength, I kept up just fine going up hills without shifting even as he was (and he's a very good biker). After a quick stop at his house, we went over to the move.

Really it was three moves in one. Or rather, loading up the moving van in a place, taking it to the house and then doing that at two other places. So it took 3 hours and felt more exhausting than that. At least we had a lot of help doing it. Got my exercise in, that's for sure. Lots of lifting and going up and downstairs. Anyway, back to my friend's house and then I biked home, ate dinner and played "guess the song" while avoiding work.

Air quality is slowly getting better, hopefully it is fairly reasonable for the campfire/camp out (I'm not staying the night :( ) tomorrow. I feel better than I did yesterday but still very tired. And like I said, I kinda woke up earlier than I wanted to. Again. Who knows if that is significant or not.

Summer Day 8

I forgot to set my alarm but still woke up before the next alarm (at 8). But not too much earlier. Was quite lazy actually getting out of bed though. Finished dishes, ate lunch and found out the dishwasher is back to not draining. Very frustrating.

Went to work. Air quality is abyssal (AQI > 220 basically all day) so there's a nice smokey haze over everything but it doesn't bother me too much. Did some work at the office but not as much as I should have. Played Catan (it is a Wednesday after all). Continued to do work poorly (I'll actually get up when my alarm goes off and finish writing). Realized that I was feeling pretty down and took a walk. Workedish some more (and troubleshooted computer problems. It's time to retire this one, really). Went over to the Union for open mic night. Listened to the crazy guy give advice while eating a burger. And some singers. It was inside because of the smoke. Went outside for the sunset but couldn't even see the sun. Oh well. Got a picture to compare to last week's (still hazy) picture. Went home.

Did some more work at home. And talked with people. Wrote this. Will go to bed soon.

Like I said, I definitely felt more down today than I have in a while. No real reason either. Bottom end of euthymic maybe? I dunno. Probably also related to the fact I feel tired all the time, despite fairly consistently getting 6-7+ hours of sleep these past few days (and today was certainly 7+ uninterrupted). So I guess the calm has ended, I'll probably be dysthymic for a week or two more and then get like a month + of respite? That's how these things tend to go. At least this is very much just a dysthymic down. I don't feel horrible. I don't feel like crying all the time. But I'm not happy, or even content, yannow?

Summer Day 7

Slept very well. Woke up right at 7. Notice a message from roommate's girlfriend about needing to go to the hospital from like 2 in the morning. I respond that that sucks (I wasn't awake enough to realize the point was to go wake up my roommate). I don't think I fall back asleep until like 7:30 and then drift in and out until like 8. Anyway, am slow to get out of bed (unlike my original plan for the day) and finally get out the house at like 11:00.

The smoke was really bad today. I even took a picture of it. Anyway, make it to the office and do a bit of work. Then hang out a bit, then head over to where the university was handing out free ice cream. Got free ice cream, went back and met with my advisor for like an hour. He thinks I can finish my proposal and defend it by the end of August (so 2 months from now). So I need to get the ball rolling on putting together the committee and getting the warrant out ASAP. We also want to rewrite it for grant purposes. 

Went home and got to work cooking. With the meat and potatoes pre-cut, it really only took like an hour to finish up with cooking. So much longer than recipe said but not as long as it could have been. I did let it take longer than in the recipe to simmer and thicken up. Anyway, the maafe turned out good. Better than I expected. Dinner went well, the missionaries had a nice lesson. 

After dinner I cleaned up and complained a bit about work before going upstairs. Didn't end up working but did read through some tabs that had been open for a while. Fell asleep for a bit, woke up sweaty and then wrote this. 

I feel fine. Just tired but I guess that's normal since I never get enough sleep. Still working on that.

Summer Day 6

Woke up, rolled over and went back to bed. Finally got up at like 8:30 I think? Went to Walmart to buy supplies for dinner tomorrow. Went home and was about to go to my office when the maintenance guy called (well shouted) and said someone from the gas company was here to do some meter work. Which was fine, but it meant I went back inside and that threw me off so despite the metering only taking like 15 minutes it took me another 2 hours to leave. So I didn't get to the office until after 3. Did some work but not enough. Then went over to the park to play lawn games for FHE. Played some kubb and mölkky. It was beautiful outside and hanging with people was nice. Went home, ate dinner (kale and rice in a vinegar sauce), prepared sweet potatoes and meat for tomorrow and played Catan (I won very fast, because I got lucky and also had some really synergistic placement). Went upstairs to work on this (and be lazy in bed).

I've been plotting how to do Saturday and still make it up to fireworks on the river. My backup plan is renting a car (I need more experience driving anyway) but hope to not resort to that. So we'll see.

I feel good enough. And tired, but in a different way than the depressed tired I think. Could've been more productive but I don't feel so unmotivated and I know where to go next. Feels nice to not hate everything and not feel terrible.

Summer Day 5

Got up a little after 7 to go running at the boardwalk. It was cloudy and not too hot but very humid (rain all night) which made it a bit miserable. Also I ran it at a slightly slower pace than before. Saw a gorgeous goldfinch though. Came home, showered, got dressed, ate an early lunch and got a ride to church because I didn't want to deal with humidity. 

Church was fine. I sat in on a lesson with the missionaries before it. I got another confirmation that I was always meant to be here (still don't know why). Spoke quite a bit in Elder's quorum. The first part was about the crucifixion, which I of course have a lot of thoughts about (and even referenced this blog, though I didn't read from it). The second part was about a talk (of course) but we ended up spending a good deal of time on the question of "How does Jesus help you when you are feeling hopeless?" I have a lot of thoughts about this, but my main one is that I can't really explain the mechanics. The phenomenology of Jesus's support can't be explained. But I do know that he does and he will. And that is sometime what carries me through the abyss.

Stopped at the quarry on the way home, the woodchips have been moved away from the main face so it is climbable again. Got home, sat around. Read some theology of sorts. Spent basically all evening and I guess night doing that. And thinking about my last post. And also this one. So pretty unproductive but that's okay.

I feel fine. And tired. It's been like a week now so I think it's safe to say that depressive episode is over. Oh and my appetite does seem to pretty much be back. I think. And just desires in general.

On Soulmates

The word probably least used to describe me is "sentimental". In fact, people pretty regularly tell me that I don't seem like a sentimental person in the least (most recently, I got this Friday). I agree with this assessment. So from that point of view, this is a weird topic for me to approach. 

Summer Day 4

Got up at 6 (as is tradition...next Saturday might be my first time to sleep in months). Left the house a little after 6:30 to go to the farmers' market. Did not find kangkung, did buy unpasturized apple cider (way too much for just a quart, but it is what it is). Dropped off the cider in the office freezer then went to the church to carpool to a service project.

The service project was trail building/clearing. Lots of pulling up saplings and clearing out brush. Only 4 people showed up, so it was a much smaller group than last year. Despite being like 85 degrees, it didn't feel too hot in the shade of the forest. I was absolutely dripping sweat though. We made good progress and then got pizza and watermelon for lunch. The 4 of us finished off the entire watermelon, I probably did a 1/3 of it myself. 

Biked home, showered, napped a little bit and then did laundry. Worked on some things. Ate dinner. Was supposed to sit in on a phone lesson with the missionaries but that was cancelled. Played Catan (lost but it was close). Went to my room to put away clothing and also watched 3 more episodes of Unicorn: Warriors Eternal. Sat around, helped test some new holds and well here we are. I'm tired and will go to bed soon. If the storm is over by morning, I'll run in the morning. 

I've been tired all day, which is a good thing really. Haven't felt too bad. Have been even a bit sentimental/nostalgic.