Woke up before 7, lay in bed half asleep until 8. Got up, shaved and showered before heading off to the church for choir practice. Did choir (was mostly basses that showed up, hilariously enough) and then headed south for a conference watching session. Was late. Was only 5 miles but I got lost in the suburbs which added like 10 minutes as I went up and down hills and looked for where I was supposed to turn. Ate crepes and watched conference. Got a ride home, worked on some stuff (can't remember what?).
Watched the afternoon session. Jakarta temple was a shock. I actually started getting messages about it before it was announced on my feed and the idea of Jakarta actually getting a temple (plus not) seemed so unlikely that I wondered if somehow Addis had skipped the queue. Anyway, super happy for the members there and excited to see where it's sited and what the design will be. Guess I got a reason to go back in 5 years or so (I miss Indonesia so much; I just want to go back. Also, "On Jakarta" would be a good post. Talk about a city that I have a very complicated relationship with). Was too hyped to work and the day was absolutely beautiful so I went on another bike ride, down to the boardwalk. Saw multiple flocks of pelicans on the lake and miraculously saw my missing glove hanging on the railing. Who knows how many days it had been hanging there (very deliberately) but I'm glad someone found it and no one wanted it.
Went home, made dinner and slowly finished my blogpost and then read through the paper I need to prepare a presentation for tomorrow (each drawing is with replacement, so it's just as unlikely I'll be called three times in a row as it is being called on twice in a row and any other given person being called on this time). No grading today, I swear tomorrow I'll get to it.
In general, conference was very good. Despite going in with no questions, I had lots of impressions (not any closer to answering the question or the other question though. Not that I was expecting answers) and like, it just felt good. Definitely one of the better ones for me in a while, probably because I've been spiritually better than I have been for a long time. Ballard's talk hit me hard, not just because it sounds like it may be his last one, but the whole emphasis on relationships and how essential they are; how much we need to cultivate them (and needing to follow up quickly to date his future wife, who was just so much friendlier and more popular than him).
Moodwise, I felt pretty good overall. Obviously, I was overjoyed for a while but that was very contextual and without anxiety, plus it faded in a few hours as I got back to the grind. I seem to be able to concentrate and not pace/be agitated than "normal" though normal probably isn't normal. So I whatever my problem is (appointment 1 of who knows how many Tuesday!), I don't think I'm suffering in this moment. And whatever anxiety I may or may not have, it's different than when I first started talking about it. It's more of the shy, not wanting to bother people anxiety, than a pressing "this is hurting me and making my thoughts run in circles" anxiety. It's weird, because it's not like my situation or circumstances have really changed for how they were before. I'm still stuck here, with no idea why, with no progress on my research (backwards even since February!). I'm still lonely (in someways but importantly in ways I was before). I still haven't answered the question. But I think that might be the point, that these come and go unnaturally almost. I may have spent too much effort trying to identify triggers (which to be fair, there are certainly times I've had triggered bad moods) instead of recognizing the underlying cycle, even attributing down points in the long term cycle to these triggers rather than being well part of a cycle. But we'll see.
